Human beings are creatures of habit. We soon find a comfortable routine in any enviroment, finding a way of life that suits us just fine. Why then do we worry so much about lifestyles?

Everyone likes to suggest how we ought to live. Religion has been doing that for thousands of years of course. It's no coincidence that churches and temples demand attendance and regular prayer. The government very kindly makes lots of rules to persuade us to adopt their own sanitised version of behaviour. Not only that, they give us lots of forms to fill in, so they can check. Some might be quite happy to have their lives ordered and regulated by someone else, to avoid the stress of choice and concious thought. On the other hand there's always a few of us who are unwilling to be constrained by conformity. Somewhere in the middle are the majority who want to do the right thing but aren't entirely happy about the restrictions that authority places upon us. Why else are foreign holidays so popular?

The media provides us with a sort of escape valve. People can sit in front of television and watch other peoples lives, real or imagined, and the enduring popularity of soap operas is that endemic quality of human society, poking your nose into someone elses business.

Clearly then lifestyles are an outward sign of wealth and status, a marker by which judge ourselves and others. Choosing a lifestylwe is a little difficult though if it doesn't come naturally to you. Choose the wrong one, and you can be seen as arrogant, haughty, a poser, or simply a buffoon. Obviously we need help to choose, and luckily for western society the racks of lifestyle magazines offer endless coaching on what is or isn't stylish.

I noticed one such magazine yesterday. A glossy colour photo on the cover of a happy smiling woman, pleased with life, content with all that she has, and a very subliminal advert for the advice contained within its pages. There was a list of articles on the frnt cover. I wonder... How hard can it be to do the same thing?

How to avoid Swine Flu

As I understand it, swine flu is passed from person to person. So the best advice is to stop meeting people. Stay at home. Now that's a little boring I know so perhaps you'd consider taking up a hobby?

How to trace your family tree

Perfect. Spend your time investigating your family tree and discover which of your ancestors died of swine flu. Now whilst this might be fun at first, you will no doubt quickly discover your social life is suffering. Fear not. We have the advice to help you...

How to find new friends

Now this is a subject of perennial interest to human beings because so many of us are rubbish at finding new friends. One lady of my acquaintence suggested that you should 'love yourself before others love you'. Aha. Well I'm not entirely sure that's going to work in polite society, so perhaps a holiday might do the trick?

How to cut costs on foreign holidays

Don't go. That's a few hundred pounds saved straight away. Now you can get drunk for four weeks instead of two. How about that for advice?

Lifestyle of the Week

Also on the cover was Carol Vordeman, proclaiming 'I've found my passion again'. Good for you dear. But unless you're planning to release keep fit videos with pornographic content, I really don't see why I should be bothered. Perhaps my own existence is rewarding enough in it's modest way to keep me happy. It seems though that these magazines exist to fulfill a basic fantasy to many miserable and disappointed people. Personally, I think these people should stop buying magazines and starting finding passions of their own. They'll be much happier than wishing they could emulate other peoples. And they'll have more money to spend. Go on. Cheer yourself up. Get right down to the mall and shop 'til you drop.

If you're still sat here reading this instead of rushing out the door with plastic bags and chequebook at the ready, congratulations, you passed the final exam.