And what are the my stars today? What does the astrological alignment of the heavens have in store for humble Caldrail?

Let your childish side come out and play today, dear Libra. Your dreams are

in full force so let them lead the way. Enjoy light-hearted conversations with

friends about the latest movies and the articles in your favorite magazines. You

might want to consider going shopping or getting a haircut as well. This is a

good day to improve your general appearance overall. You have a much keener eye

for beauty on a day like today.

My dreams are in full force? Way cool. So that means I can drive a Ferrari around town and not get arrested as a homicidal maniac? Well I'm off down the Ferrari dealership, having cleaned my trainers. Just show me the fastest reddest car you've got sonny.... No, that's a door.... Oh.

Next. Films. I like films. Especially the funny ones.... Well, as light hearted conversations go, maybe that wasn't the best.

Shopping... Just paid the bill for a musical keyboard repair, so no joy there. Haircut? Pfah! I'm insulted. As for my appearance, I have my style. Oh yes. Leading the way for pre-geriatric retro-grungies everywhere.

A much keener eye for beauty eh? You mean, like that blonde woman downstairs? Oh great. I'm into middle age, my plumbing ain't what it used to be, I'm nearly destitute, no job, no Ferrari, no blinking car at all, and at last I get to appreciate the charms of women? Help. She's noticed me looking... Look away Caldrail or the security guard will eject me from the premises. I doubt he'll be impressed with a neat haircut, fashionably challenging clothes, and clean trainers.... Oh.

Star of the Week

As a spiritualist, you'd think I'd believe all this 'written in the stars' stuff. Well, there are predictions and then there are predictions. I notice that tv presenters who make documentaries on the subject usually find that the supposedly defined character traits are so generalised that anyone could read an assesment and find a signficant agreement with their own personality.

But can watching the stars predict your own future? Yes it can. Go out of an evening and wander about watching the night skies. I predict that you will go on a trip.... A scientifically tested prediction by Caldrail. And I wasn't even drunk....