After my daily stint at the library it was time to pop down to the supermarket for a few items to keep my stomach from rumbling. The street was busy as usual - Ooh look, there's that woman sat at the cafe opposite, staring at me again. Either she's an investigator for the Department of Work and Pensions (Ridiculous but these fantasies make my day so interesting) or she's stalking me (I'm going to find boiled bunnies in my flat before long - I just know it). It might just be I got up this morning on autopilot and put my trousers on back to front.

Nope. My trousers are the right way round. Nor has she followed me. She must have noticed the crowds of people wandering aimlessly around town and decided shhopping was a lost cause. Why does everyone else in the world amble around shopping malls? Why do they always change direction or stop in doorways? Do they know I'm behind them? I should have been born with headlights. Full beam lady, move over.

Entering my local Supermarket I spot the newspaper rack with a headline - Is This Atlantis?. Huh? I instantly gravitate toward the rack and begin to read. The security guard is standing there watching me with folded arms. He's one of my fans too. Oh okay, I'll buy the paper.

I wander down the aisle reading the story. At the bottom of the sea three and a half miles down and six hundred and twenty miles east of Africa, a rectangular grid the size of Wales is clearly visible on the computer graphics.

Trouble is, the artcle appeared in the Sun newspaper. I do not believe I actually bought it. I am now officially a Sun Reader. Good grief, I've sunk to a new low. Poseidon must be planning to flood Rushey Platt as I speak.

Funny thing is, the oceanographer who's getting very excited about this is saying it must be man made and resembles Milton Keynes in layout. Now we know what is really causing Global Warming. The motor car is innocent.

Unusual Person of the Week

Whilst in the queue at the check-out I spotted the Worlds First Inflatable Woman. I kid you not. She really did look like someone who's had a bicycle pump inserted and used to inflate her to bouncy castle proportions. I half expected her to drift helplessly out the door, but I guess thats why she was in the supermarket, selecting and purchasing ballast.

Of course, it's wrong to poke fun at others. So in a sudden wave of public spirit, I check to make sure there's no sharp objects that might cause her to deflate.