Mr Palmer, the leader of East Lindsey District Council, is unhappy. Strange lights have been seen in the Midlands sky for a while now, and now a turbine blade from a wind generator tower has been ripped off near his turkey farm. He wants the authorities to look into the recent UFO activity and in particular the damage they caused to one of our turbines.

The Ministry of Defence however has shown absolutely no interest in the goings-on, telling us that they won't investigate unless they perceive a threat to our nation. You can see the logic - the turbine isn't dangerous to anyone any more. Now you can speculate about space aliens deciding to experiment on the wind generators in order to discover their breeding habits. I wish they'd tell us, because these things just keep on appearing overnight. Or perhaps they are telling us? Maybe they've realised that all those corn circles haven't got the message across, and are now resorting to direct action to save the Earth from destroying itself with renewable energy?

Hmmm... Lets see.... No, I don't think it's down to alien activity. I hardly think enlightened alien creatures are going to travel hundreds of light years just to visit the Midlands. So what caused the damage? Well, experts have suggested the blade spontaneously disconnected - insurers claim it happens five or six times a year - so you'd think someone would fix it properly. But the dodgy repair work still doesn't explain the initial damage. I think I have the answer. Mr Palmer need look no further than his very own turkey coup. I suggest to him that his turkeys are escaping on a regular basis, and that one wasn't very good at flying. There. Problem solved. Except... Who taught the turkeys to fly? (Cue theme tune from X-Files)

Justice of the Week

The kidnappers of that oil supertanker hijacked off the Kenyan coast demanded a colossal ransom for it. Eventually, they were whittled down to