Know Your Enemy
Back in my childhood, I used to watch Dick Dastardly's elite German squadron attempting to Catch That Pidgeon. Like an aerial roadrunner, it always got away. Muttley, Dastardly's less than faithful dog, always got his medal. Herr Dastardly always got his comeuppance.
Ever since their brave service as message carriers in the Great War, Pidgeons have developed a nasty streak. They instinctively know when you're in your best clothes or you've just washed your car, and know exactly how to deflate your pride. Why are pidgeons so vindictive? Is it because Captain Blackadder shot Speckled Jim, General Melchetts beloved carrier pidgeon, and ate him? Is it because we now use mobile phones to contact one another thus have rendered Pidgeonkind redundant? Is it because I used to laugh when pidgeons thought their reflection in the window were rival birds? Is it because I never fed them?
For whatever reason it now appears that I'm a legitimate target for pidgeon insurgents intent on world domination. Here's my proof....
Pic of the Day
The pidgeon paratroops descended on me at Coate Water and advanced remorselessly on my position. Its a terrifying experience, alone, unarmed, facing pidgeons with orders to peck to kill. I searched for breadcrumbs in a desperate bid to distract them while I made my getaway but to no avail. Then I realised that evolution is happening right here in Swindon. Pidgeons, facing a perpetual struggle for the stale crusts thrown by old women, have cottoned on that we humans are tastier and even now practice their hunting skills in the rainforests of Darkest Wiltshire. We all laughed at Alfred Hitchcocks predictions, but now we see how right he was. You have been warned. Keep watching the skies!
Obituary of the Week
Kathy Staff has died. For foreigners thats probably a bit meaningless, but she played the infamous old battleaxe Nora Batty in the everlasting tv series Last of the Summer Wine. She had become an icon for wannabe dragons everywhere. What can Mankind do to protect itself against the pidgeon threat now that our foremost warrior has passed on?
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