No, don't worry, I haven't discovered Jesus just in time for Christmas, and quite honestly, spending christmas day in a stable full of smelly farm animals with a screaming baby doesn't sound like heaven to me. No, I have a different nightmare....

Heavy snow has hit Britain again and the usual wintery chaos has begun. Homes without electricity, roads slippery, the whole country grinding to a halt. Except Swindon, which once again is blissfully free of the stuff. That means cars can travel freely, so in Swindon, they build loads of bus-only lanes to impede the car driver all year round.

There's a green bus rumbling around of Swindon bus routes. Its painted in a lurid dayglo green colour - you just can't miss it - and there wasn't enough advertising space to display the message that buses are going green, so they painted over the windows. Can you imagine travelling on that?

"Where to mate?"

Oh right. High street please.

"Correct change only mate."

Err... Hang on... Got some pennies here... Ah, here we go. Love the badge, goes with the uniform... Ok, I'll just go and sit down...

The bus driver starts off on his journey. The interior of the green bus is dark and gloomy, filled with people whimpering and rocking forwards in their seats. I chat to girl sat next to me, a pleasant german lady who's off to see her granny in the woods. The driver hunches over the wheel and steers the bus wildly through the traffic blaring their horns, swerving left and right in a manic attempt to keep the schedules.

Excuse me?.. Driver?... I can't see out the window. Could you let me know when we get to the High Street?

"Next stop, pie factory... Mwuhahahahaaaaaaaa".

Sanity of the Week

Now you've all recovered from my tale of horror, let me assure you that I woke up in a cold sweat. The heating hadn't come on, and it's still perishing cold out there. So cold in fact, that Honda have decided to stop their involvement in Formula One. Where on earth is Swindon going to find bus drivers now?