It was quite a sight this morning. Further down from the library I inhabit is a hotel, a building that might not be the tallest in Swindon but certainly towers over everything else around it. There was a column of thick dirty brown smoke pouring out of a roof vent like one of those dark satanic mills the government banned so we could all breathe. Can you imagine booking a room there?

"Can I help you Sir?"

I'd like a room please.

"Certainly Sir. We have accomodation in Admin, Mechanical, Technical, Production Line, and Service, all in single or double, plus the Managerial Suite is free until Monday. Tea breaks are half an hour, Lunch for one hour, and overtime is available on weekends."

Uhhh... Right. Single in.. err... Admin I guess.

"Of course. We do expect office attire at all times and if using our extensive bar facilities, high visibility tabards and safety shoes are required by health and safety. Enjoy your stay, Sir."

I've worked in places like this. You can stay but never leave.

Alien of the Week

A special guest is to host a talk about UFO's in Swindon soon, 'casting new light' on these mysterious sightings. I'm way ahead of you mate. Today I was passed by an alien as it was carried in its mobility chair, pushed by its earth-woman slave. It was pink, about two feet or so in height, and protected by a woollen spacesuit. I know it was an alien because it was giving orders to its human slave. It spoke with a voice in some strange unearthly language that sounded like a cross between chinese radio and a child breathing helium.

I looked down at astonishment that an alien creature could so brazenly wander about Swindon undetected, not to mention some amusement at its ridiculous voice. It looked up, saw me grinning, and then uttered the power-syllable. I tripped on the pavement.

The slave woman glared at me for disturbing her other-wordly master with my puny earth humour. Now you come to mention it, there are a lot of mums pushing these aliens around town....

Keep Watching The Pavements....