Looking For The Right Car
Entry posted by caldrail
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There's a car advert thats been shown on tv for some time now and it still bugs me. A stylish young man in his dayglo green Mazda hatchback does handbrake turns around the studio with beautiful female dancers trying to stop him from drving away. It never did look right. Firstly, the hatchback is the same as the car his granny would drive. Without the body kit, spoilers, rubber-band tires, and a twelve pounder cannon sticking out under the back it just wasn't the sort of car he would be seen dead in, dayglo green or not. For that matter, young female dancers have never tried to stop me driving away. Mostly they just gestured rudely. Perhaps I was never that stylish. After all, my car was never dayglo green.
A few years back Peugeot ran a tv ad where a driver of a luxury saloon drove gently down one of those torturous european mountain roads whilst making tire squeal noises verbally. Maybe its just me, but if you drive whilst making such noises yourself, you're either very, very sad, or driving a completely boring car. Given it was a Peugeot luxury saloon, the answer is probably both.
But what luxury saloon could cut it? Mercedes thought they had the answer, and showed one gentleman on a quest for presence ("If you have to search for it, you probably never had it in the first place" - obvious, but true). He sits staring aimlessly out of cafe windows or stands in the middle of road junctions in the pouring rain, leaving me wondering why the local police haven't asked him to move along please. Sadly, he never did find his charismatic Mercedes, and perhaps thats where the advert went wrong. I do hope that gentleman gets some counselling, or even better, a social life.
Thats the trick with car adverts. They sell images. Vauxhall show Hitman 47 in his Omega, staring balefully at the camera to convince all those would be assassins that an Omega is the car of choice. Kia shows a man daydreaming about one of their sporty hatchbacks as if driving under big signs saying 'Desirable' will make you think the car actually is. Vauxhall suggest you should fall in love with motoring again, but how many of us have open desert roads handy?
Sometimes you get silly ads, like the one from Ford where a passing new-model Mondeo entices people to put balloons on their cars and make them float away. Which begs the question - If they don't sell their current car, how can they afford a new Mondeo? How do they escape arrest for endangering aircraft? Do the public know they are being brainwashed by subliminal messages from the Mondeo-in-Grey? I must admit, when a Mondeo passes me, I probably don't notice.
Then again, Vauxhall broke the mould by advertising how practical their cars are, a brave move, suggesting men really can be men without discussing football or notches on the bedpost. The advert showied eight year-old 'adults' admiring each others people-carriers and demonstrating the features of such cars. Just a small point... but.... Do their wives know how young their husbands are? How did these kids get driving licenses? Or is it a subtle suggestion that the child inside you desperately wanrts a pint-sized bus?
All of this leaves those car manufacturers that don't advertise. Some can't afford to, others are so exclusive there's no point because no-one can afford them. Which leaves me staring out the window of cafes at rainy road junctions in my quest for money. If you have to search for it, you probably never had it in the first place. Obvious, but true.
Probably the most obvious thing is that in some way or other we guys all want cars to advertise ourselves.
Police Driver of the Week
Walking home through West Swindon, I prepared to cross a road that interesects a housing estate. A police car crept forward menacingly nearby. I hesitated, wondering if he was going to accelerate past me, turn right down the side road, or simply leave me guessing. Then, at the last moment, without signalling his intentions, he swerved hard right and continued creeping along down the side road. I know police drivers have had some stick for crashing their cars whilst chasing joyriders at high speed, but that was ridiculous, like watching The Bill in slow motion. Still, the fight against snails with intent to commit crime must continue.
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