Out Of This World
Swindon to Newcastle is about six hours by train. Time to settle into the seat, relax, let the train take the strain. I watched the towns and countryside roll by. It was all going too well. The stop at Sheffield Station was a long one. The minutes ticked by and there was no sign of movement. Platform staff who usually shepherded the trains away were curiously absent. Please don't tell me another strike is in progress... Then the tannoy bleeped into life to make a passenger announcement.
"If I could have your attention please," The Train Manager said, "I'm afraid there will be a delay before we can depart for Doncaster, as the track is broken."
Broken? You broke the track? What did you do? Drop it? In situations like this all you can do is grin and bear it. Oh hang, the tannoy is bleeping again...
"I apologise for the delay in services, but we're waiting for the track to be repaired. There will be a delay of at least another half an hour."
Ok, I'll try to grin. I look around for something to occupy myself with and quietly lift a newspaper from the opposite seats. There's a story about scientists finding another planet thousands of light years away. I've decided to name it Sheffield. Hang on, the tannoy is bleeping...
"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your patience. Since the delays to services will probably be at least two hours, we're going to divert to another route. We will not therefore be calling at Doncaster so any passengers who wish to get off at Doncaster should leave the train to await further assistance."
Nobody moved. Perhaps Doncaster isn't a popular stop? Or does no-one wish to admit they live there? We will never know. At last! The train edges forward out of Sheffield and my journey continues. About five minutes later the Train Manager enters the carriage.
"Can I have your attention please? Is there anyone in here who is travelling to Doncaster? Only we're not stopping there... Ok."
I settle back to enjoy the rest of my journey to Newcastle, and ten minutes later, the tannoy bleeps again...
"Ladies and gentlemen, our next stop is Doncaster..."
Douglas Adams Moment of the Week
There's a cut on my left knee. According to Douglas Adams, the sci-fi/comedy author, this sort of thing happens all the time. But in case you're worried, I can assure you I return from Newcastle unscathed. Don't know what happened to the whale...
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