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Revealing the dirt on vans


caldrail

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People just can't resist it can they? A white van covered in dust is an invitation to add your favourite gag. usually its Clean Me which is probably a little obvious.This morning I passed I wish my girlfriend was this dirty. Oh wow, that was original, number two on the best selling dust graffiti list. Number three is of course your favourite football team, number four a crude reference to sexual activity, number five a statement of undying love in a heart shape.

 

Swindon does not score points for original thinking then.

 

Years ago I was on casual earnings driving a van making collections and deliveries of parcels. I'd parked the van in Maidenhead to find somebodies premises. At the time I was wearing military surplus trousers (this was long before they were fashionable) and some wag wrote on the back of the van I found Donalds trousers. Not bad! So not wishing to be upstaged, I added And delivered them on time too

 

In retrospect, perhaps it isn't quite as funny as it seemed back then, but then graffiti rarely is.

 

Obituary of the Week

I doff my cap at Charlton Heston who passed away this weekend. It seems the grim reaper has finally wrenched his rifle away from his cold dead hands, the very same man who thumped his fist onto a beach in frustration and condemnation at mans folly. The same man who led the Israelites to safety (at least until the palestinians got fed up with them), the very same who won the Jerusalem Demolition Derby in AD33. Yes, I know he was acting, but the true mark of a great actor is that you believe the role is real. And he suceeded.

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Heston was a great actor, no argument there. No one could part a Red Sea better.

It's just his ideas about guns and his influence concerning guns that made me think of him as an outmoded dinosaur.

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The problem with guns is not that they kill and wound, but people use them for that purpose. Switzerland for instance has a law that all homes must have a firearm - its part of their civil defences - and I can think of only one instance where somebody openly used a weapon to kill random victims there. America however has a gun culture, embellished and glorified by Hollywood. Back in the old west a gun was an equalizer, since a man armed with one was as good as another. Well, actually that isn't true, and the myth of the fast draw which has connations of heroism is also a myth for the most part. Succesful gunfighters were men who remained calm and aimed. They really were killers. But since onlookers generally took cover or didn't see everything in the short time a confrontation took place found it easier to say the winner was faster on the draw. So a legend is born. Gunfighters were made heroes long before Hollywood. They were men you were either afraid of or needed to respect, and those same opnions are re-emergent in american society where young men who feel disenfranchised find that owning a gun provides them with a measure of self-esteem. On the other hand, there are non-western societies who use guns as a matter of course, but isn't their way of life in many ways reminiscent of the original wild west, in that these tribesmen have their own protocols about violence?

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The problem with the 2nd Amendment yahoos is that they have never read the U.S. Constitution, in particular, Article I, Section 8. Nor do they have so much as an unreasonable acquaintance with English grammar.

Let us go back to the days of yore when the Constitution was being written. When a member of the yokel class strolled down the Kings Highway, and he perchance encountered an ambling aristocrat, such as G. Washington, he doffed his cap, bowed, and strolled into the mud gutter so as not to contaminate the aristocrat. Now, I ask anyone, does he think that these aristocrats would trust the yokels with unfettered gun 'rights'? Whenever a 'Sullivan Law' type case has come before the U.S. Supreme Court, it has never gone with the yahoos. Ah!, but take heart, me hearties, there is a case before the Court now.

 

Actually, I am all for guns. I want to install two rocket launchers each fore and aft of the Imperial Chariot. My six-shooter will take care of any port and starboard business.

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The observance of respect in days of british yore is a hangover from earlier times, when lords were masters of their manor and part of a chain of fuedal loyalties. The commoners had rights, but knew their place. The manorial lord was potentially a mean SOB and could quickly punish them for their lack of respect. The commoners were banned from riding horses, regarded as a social and military privilege (not to mention advantage). Ordinary hand weapons were the preserve of professional soldiers - though I don't recall a medieval prohibition on swords, yet there were weapons encouraged by the upper classes. Archery practice was mandatory in the 14th century and football was banned for that reason.

 

In later centuries, this developed into the traditional british class system, where those of higher status were regarded as superior (mostly by themselves). America offered something different. A new land, a new beginning. Although there was definitely more than a hint of the same cultural structure they had left behind, the classicly inspired new leaders attempted to create a better society. On the frontier however, things are less organised, more rough and ready. Violence was never far away and thus a macho protocol emerges amongst those who lived and worked there. Since a firearm made any man the equal of another, it became an inherent part of their society, something enshrined in american law, and deeply embedded in their psyche.

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"Since a firearm made any man the equal of another, it became an inherent part of their society, something enshrined in american law, and deeply embedded in their psyche."

 

Nah, it was the dime novel. Most fire arms were rusty pieces of junk. Not enshrined in American law nor psyche. (See above.)

Let us cogitate together. Would it be an infringement of an American two year old's rights to deny him the right to bear arms? Idiots? Urban Blacks, Eyetalians, Russians and Latinos? Wouldn't it be an 'infringement' to even so much as define 'arms'? I could use a B-36 atomic bomber. The Missouri would also be helpful.

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"Since a firearm made any man the equal of another, it became an inherent part of their society, something enshrined in american law, and deeply embedded in their psyche."

 

Nah, it was the dime novel. Most fire arms were rusty pieces of junk. Not enshrined in American law nor psyche. (See above.)

Let us cogitate together. Would it be an infringement of an American two year old's rights to deny him the right to bear arms? Idiots? Urban Blacks, Eyetalians, Russians and Latinos? Wouldn't it be an 'infringement' to even so much as define 'arms'? I could use a B-36 atomic bomber. The Missouri would also be helpful.

 

There is a parallel in modern britain to the western firearm. Until recent decades handguns were rigidly controlled but available if you went through the rigmarole. Then after a shooting incident by some nutter the government banned them. Result? Handguns became a black market commodity, and this meant they were now getting into the hands of dubious citizens. Youngsters in particular who now see their handguns as fashionable items, a label denoting manhood and superiority, a means to 'respect' as they see it, and in some cases, a means to defend yourself against those who also have guns. The actual condition of these weapons is possibly poor, as the great majority of the youngsters (or older crooks to be honest) have no actual knowledge of firearm maintenance, and in any case many gunsmiths went out of business following the ban. However, if confronted with some smiling young man with a pistol held sideways up, do you really inspect the gun for condition before doing what he wants?

 

In general, children are much easier to impress with gun safety than adults, who generally think they know better. I was trained to use military firearms in my youth, and whilst I would hardly consider myself an expert, I do not wish to own real weapons for any purpose nor do I do stupid things with the inert guns I did own. I do admit to having owned collections of deactivated or replica weapons in the past but a gun nut I am not. I'm well aware of the nature of these things and whilst I collected them from a historical perpective and interest in military affairs, I wouldn't dream of pointing them at a bank teller.

 

I once showed my collection to the brother of a girlfriend. He went glassy eyed, and staring at a real but deactivated Bren LMG asked me if I had the guts to raid a post office. I told it didn't matter if I did or I didn't, that was wrong and I wouldn't do it. He ignored my answer and me again if I had the guts. Lets close the cupboard eh?

 

Seriously though GO, I really think you'd struggle to fly a B36 on your tod, evenif you knew how to fly at all, and something tells me that you'd fail completely to use the Missouri for similar reasons. Its easier to use a handgun isn't it? Especially when tv and film show how easy it is to use them and that its always the 'bad guys' who get hurt. A angry or greedy individual so armed is definitely going to see others as the bad guys, and so believes he can use this weapon to achieve his ends and does not consider the results of his actions, and in fact becomes more dangerous when he realises the gravity of his situation and becomes frightened/desperate.

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C., you are infamous! :) I have flown many an atomic bomber and commanded the Missouri - in my dreams, and in my cups! So, there! Tell me truly, do you get the points that I was trying to make?

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Out of order, but this is especially for you:

 

 

 

 

When you have a ' I Hate My Job' day,

[even if retired you have those sometimes] try this:

 

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

 

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

 

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

 

Now the fun part begins.

 

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. '

 

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'

 

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

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