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Adventures & Artifacts


caldrail

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Walking along an old railway cutting near where I live, I noticed the rocks had fallen away. Now I know the rocks of that particular place were once the sandy floor of a shallow sub-tropical sea during the Jurassic Age, so out of curiosity I clambered up to where the rock face has come away and examined those rocks for any sign of fossils. As much as I'd like to find something special, it wasn't likely. This area was an archipelago back then, a coral reef to the northwest, and right here a seaside paradise like the ones we spend loads of money to get drunk beside every year.

 

As I look underneath the broken surface, my eyes open wide. The impression of an ammonite shell is clearly visible. These 'squids in spiral shells' are extinct, and if you look carefully, fairly common in the fossil record, though the vast majority are no more than an inch or two across. Not this one. At least twelve inches across - a very impressive specimen. And very missing. I looked around the rubble but no sign of it. Gone. Sold at a carboot sale and propped up beside someones fireplace in all likeliehood. No-one else will see it.

 

It makes me wonder how many historical artifacts, so vital to our understanding of times past, have been hidden away for the pleasure of the selfish collector. The modern trade in Egyptian antiquities is well known, although I suspect the great majority are fakes sold to the gullible.

 

About three years ago I ventured into the pub up the hill. That pub has a reputation for violence, not entirely undeserved, but on this particular night I got talking to some old chap. He mentioned he knew a secret, and I casually enquired further.

 

"I know where to find the tomb... of the..." He had to think about this bit.. "Ancestress."

 

Now this was way cool. Sensing this chap was out of his depth, I pressed him for information. Where is this tomb?

 

"I can't tell you, its too dangerous."

 

So you're an adventurer then? You're one of those blokes who smuggles stuff from Egypt?

 

"Yes, Egypt." He agreed, unable to think of something more original, "I rescue stuff from Egypt, I'm the Del Boy of the Desert, crossing the sand dunes."

 

In your Reliant Robin?

 

"Yes."

 

But you've got no suntan?

 

"I go at night."

 

You do meet interesting people in pubs...

 

My Week at Work

My boss has finally given up trying to sell his BMW to me. Why he thought it would give me managerial credibility I don't know, I'd look more like a drug dealer. So now he's trading it in for a Jagwah. I know because he tells me. On the hour, every hour. Worse still, we've dscovered that a major contract has been lost and that means our client-specific stock has to be relabelled. Literally thousands of labels to be applied. Plenty of opportunity then for AD to discuss the merits of Jagwahs.

 

I'm in Hell....

 

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No, the problem with Jaguar is that they lost their way in the 70's. Up until that point, they built proper sports cars like the SS, C Type, D type, XKSS, E Type etc alongside their luxury models. You might even include the unsuccessful XJ13. When they got to the XJ12, everything went wrong. Instead of finishing it as the mid-eingined supercar rival to lamborghini it was initially intended to be, it was turned into a budget luxury saloon and boy was it bad. Instead of selling cars to sports car enthusiasts, Jaguar sat back and sold cars to the golf club. They still do, and somehow those Aston Martin clones they build just lack conviction. AD is of course a paid up member of the golfing set and therefore finds the less sporty Jaguars as desirable.

 

Actually, it isn't really the car. AD is trying to pee me off for reasons known only to him. I don't get introduced to anyone, I don't get asked to attend meetings, I'm not involved in anything remotely resembling management - Lets be honest (because he isn't) - He had no intention of training me to replace him. Perhaps I should sue him for loss of earnings?

 

Enjoy your Jagwah AD.

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