Problems!
Entry posted by Gaius Octavius
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Some members of the Forum seem to have some minor problems these days. Really, nothing of any consequence compared to mine. Cogitate:
My Bride was supposed to go on a cruise in the Carib starting Thursday last, for a fortnight. She was supposed to meet a gaggle of her pals from 10uhC and mis(take)again in San Juan, P.R., on that day, to commence their carousing. Since La Donna Sophia, and Lady Farrow were otherwise occupied, I made arrangements for Lady Jane (Bury-Me-In- A-"Y"-Shaped-Coffin.) Harrington to make her appearance on Friday. It was decided to leave the Imperial Chariot in the mud gutter rather than in the car barn so that I could take the wandering Bride to the airport. Now, I have a plaque that allows me to park on the wrong side of the street. Tuesday was a cold day, so I figured that the Chariot was lonely. I went down to turn the engine over and keep the Chariot company for a while. A good looking 'meter maid' hove into view and commenced to make herself important by minutely examining the stickers on the windshield. Whilst she was thus occupied, I noticed a squirrel take a leap out of the tree behind her. The little bugger climbed up her leg and took a nip out of one of her cheeks of shame! You can't imagine the hellacious racket she made racing down to the corner. Woke napping gargoyles. Startled the ambling peasantry. The little tree rat sat there looking at me and hunched his shoulders as if to ask what happened.
Shortly, I heard the wailing of a siren and saw flashing lights. The squad car stopped behind me. Two flatfeets exited with the screaming meter maid. "Cuff him! Shoot him! He trained that squirrel to bite my personal coolie!" Little guy scampered up the tree; commenced munching on something, and took all in. The now sniggering cops asked for my side of the story. Asked them if they ever heard of a trained squirrel? Told them that it was probably a migrant Mexican dumper biting vampire squirrel. Cops cracked up (no pun intended). Meter maid made for one of their six-shooters. Failed, thank God. Told little guy acorns were in the usual place.
Ahh, but this wasn't an end to my woes. Wednesday, the weather frauds looked into their crystal balls and decided that there would be a foot's worth of snow over night. Chariot to the barn; reserve limo. Naturally, the airline canceled the flight a couple of hours before lift off. There wasn't enough snow on the ground to make a decent snowball! Push panic button; commence to worry about Lady Jane and Bride crossing paths. Bride holds on for over an hour trying to connect with a human at airline. Gaius gets on cell phone and punches a number at which one may buy a ticket. Eight minutes later, problem solved. Gaius has a couple of shots of rum. Bride will catch Friday AM rocket. Close calls, but all turned out well.
Lady Jane presently out purchasing her favorite wine.
That is a true bill of affairs as they stand to the moment.
Lord Black Adder
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