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We Are Not Alone!!!!


caldrail

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I've just watched a video about things alien. That image of the rock that looks suspiciously like sasquatch. An enthusiastic 'expert' getting exciting about meeting real live aliens from Out There (doesn't he have any real friends?). Film clips of a psychopathic alien smelling Sigourney Weaver, cute grey thingy waving at the assembled scientists on a mountain top, intergalactic hippie E.T. getting caught with no clothes on by a kid, and a gelatinous blob terrorising small town america. Quotes from Stephen Hawking inform us that in the infinity of space, there must be aliens out there (but not close, or we'd see their tv programs).

 

I don't know about you, but if there's hyper-intelligent blobs out there bent on terrorising small town america by abducting innocent cannabis smokers and chopping up cows for laughs, then why would they waste their time watching soap operas? Can you imagine an alien soap opera?

 

Female Alien Kghdj, I wish to submit an emotional report to you

 

Male Alien Dnmdiu, I have already nested with Dgdjsd.

 

Female Alien She cannot give you podlings like I can.

 

Male Alien Affirmative Dnmdiu. However the Pod-Lord has dictated that we invade the next street tommorrow and I cannot have any distractions.

 

Female Alien You are no longer light relief. I will now commit revenge.

 

Male Alien I am registering suprise... blob repellent on my anti-weather equipment!

 

Door opens and Male Aliens Mate (Third Gender) enters

 

Male Aliens Mate (Third Gender) Huh? Whats is occuring here? Dnmdiu, are you engaged in an extra-pod-ical relationship with with my First Gender Mate?

 

Aliens stand waiting for closing credits

 

You would think that aliens could create superior television programs. I suspect the real reason we haven't seen any is because their soap operas are even worse than ours, and its too embarrasing to admit that the most hyper intillgent species in the galaxy is obsessed with who is replicating with who. I therefore submit that aliens did build the pyramids, but that human beings missed the whole point. It was an alien filmset ("Thanks humanity, that was a cool movie, but we don't need those pyramids now"). Perhaps the long journey from their planet to ours gets a little boring given the universe has an irritating speed limit (no speed cameras discovered yet - God hasn't thought of that one). So I'd imagine the real reason they pop up here to play catch me with jet fighters and ruin airline pilots careers is just for something to do, or is it they're looking for a compatible toilet facility?

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Well... You say that but... Stonehenge is just down the road and we all know that the druids were running a fuel station for arriving UFOnauts long before the americans made themselves available for experiments and involuntary vacations...

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You are also aware I take it that Glastonbury is the UFO capital of the world even today? Hate to break it to you, but thats in downtown west country england.

 

Actually the problem with the druids is that they got abducted. Thats why the stonehenge rest stop went out of business.

 

Also, we now know that Cardiff in Wales is alien central station for planet earth. Sorry, but if Will Smith wants to chase aliens in sharp suits, he needs to cross the Atlantic.

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I get it now! You are a CIA agent trying to cover up what is going on in Area 51 in Nevada! You Evil Eyed Monster! You shan't get away with it! Captain Marvelous is on to you! Don't so much as close your eyes.

 

:P

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Also, we now know that Cardiff in Wales is alien central station for planet earth. Sorry, but if Will Smith wants to chase aliens in sharp suits, he needs to cross the Atlantic.

 

No wonder you English types think that the Welshmen are all nutters!

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I get it now! You are a CIA agent trying to cover up what is going on in Area 51 in Nevada! You Evil Eyed Monster! You shan't get away with it! Captain Marvelous is on to you! Don't so much as close your eyes.

Close... but no cigar. I still maintain I'm El Presidente of the Independent Peanut Republic of Rushey Platt. However, since you brought the subject up....

 

The Truth About Area 51

Its like this. When the Martians invaded Kent back in the 1890's or whenever it was they caught colds and died before we could we help the poor little blighters, but after at least two demolitions of the Whitehouse and innumerable attempted hostile takeovers of small towns in the american southwest, it really is time to open a dialogue with our alien visitors. Given the huge misunderstandings experienced between Americans and Aliens, Area 51 was set up to teach the tiddlywinks in an effort to provide some sort of common cultural ground.

 

The truth About The Welsh

No, I can't... Honestly....

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You CIA types can't fool me. The Martians died off in Kent because all the earthquakes prevented them from getting their photon rockets at the proper angle. And the native food wasn't worth the effort. A CIA leak (no pun intended) has indicated that the U.S. aliens are from Uranus! One may see Uranus in the night sky. It is commonly held that one from Uranus became president! This scourge must be wiped away! No dialogue can be held with Uranus!

 

As for the Welsh, they are aliens from Neptune. That is why the Leak is their national symbol.

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Ahh GO, how mislead you are by internet conspiracy theory...

 

Incidentially, the reality behind corn circles is a sophisticated attempt to communicate with aliens symbolically. Originally these messages said something like "Want a game of tiddlywinks?", but we've made progress in corn circlism and at least one recent circle said "Please do not transmit any more soap operas"

 

Hey hang on - Whats wrong with our food? Get some fish'n'chips down yer boy. Mushy peas and drippin' for supper.

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Hey hang on - Whats wrong with our food? Get some fish'n'chips down yer boy. Mushy peas and drippin' for supper.

 

Exactly what I mean! :ph34r: No wonder that you people talk funny! :) I'd rather eat raw worms. :yes: One day all y'all will discover pizza and spaghetti. :P

 

:)

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Too busy with the delights of Vindaloo, pilau rice, and onion bahji (not to mention a healthy supply of poppadoms and lager). Seriously, GO, you americans have no idea what food is :ph34r:

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Once again, you prove my point! The aliens couldn't stand the 'native food' (pardon the expression), and neither can you, so you eat that oriental slops. Do you also eat bait (aka sushi)? :ph34r:

 

:)

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Don Tomato, you talk as if there's something wrong with fish n chips, curry, and sushi. My guess is that you've had entirely too many tomatos thrown at your head, and you're permanently stuck in Piccola Sicilia.

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Once again, you prove my point! The aliens couldn't stand the 'native food' (pardon the expression), and neither can you, so you eat that oriental slops. Do you also eat bait (aka sushi)? :ph34r:

 

:yes:

Aliens can't stand the food? Why do they keep coming back then? Anyway, if you regard an indian curry as unpalatable thats only because the americans haven't access to the the authentic article. Come to think of it we've got all your american stuff on our shelves too, and your burgers are tasteless plastic disasters. I suppose it gets difficult to cook good ones when you run out of buffalo! :)

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Aliens can't stand the food? Why do they keep coming back then? Anyway, if you regard an indian curry as unpalatable thats only because the americans haven't access to the the authentic article. Come to think of it we've got all your american stuff on our shelves too, and your burgers are tasteless plastic disasters. I suppose it gets difficult to cook good ones when you run out of buffalo! :ph34r:

 

Perhaps in Don Tomato's neck of the woods there's faux curry...but here in California, where there is a very high (East) Indian population, the genuine article is here, and quite tasty.

 

As for the burgers...well, the Golden Arches, the King, and all their playmates cannot possibly represent the bliss that is experienced when consuming a true American burger (made at home, grilled on the Q). Amen.

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I remember finding an indian resteraunt in Rotorua, New Zealand. It looked all very plush and professional, inhabited by genuine asians, and the curries were lousy. Thing is, without the competition and expectation of the british, the standards are lower. I don't suppose the new zalanders knew any different. My cousin went to a takeaway in Auckland whilst I was staying there and asked the propietors for the hottest curry they could make. 7 out of 10.

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That happened to friends and I way back when. We went to this Thai place...note that of the 8 of us, 2 were white, the rest East Asian of a variety or another.

 

My then-boyfriend (who is Burmese) asked for the hottest level possible for his dish, as did a couple of others. That day I happened to have a raging sore throat, so I wanted nothing to do with spice; I believe I ordered Basil Chicken, or some such mild thing.

 

We got our dishes...and theirs wasn't even remotely hot. I could eat it without causing further damage to my throat. Needless to say, they either calmed it down for "us white folk," or they just simply suck in heat.

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The actual chilli heat does vary a lot even at the same venue. The takeaway I go to is the one I've used for more than twenty years. Only once have I had a serious complaint about their food and its always verrrry spicy. I've got one in the fridge for dinner tonight. Lamb Vindaloo with mushroom rice, onion bahji, and salad/yoghurt on the side. All for

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Once again, it is left to the god-Consul to set things straight. Pay attention! Some alleged 'people' eat sweetened up alleged 'food'. Some alleged 'people' eat hottened up alleged 'food'. The reason for this is quite simple. One will never know if he is eating road kill, condor, sea robin, or rat - and all rotten to boot. The next time you hear of someones cat having gone missing - beware! Now, God's people, i.e., Neapolitans, use spices to flavor fresh, uncontaminated real food. How can one tell what he is eating if it is so hot as to purge the plumbing system or so sweet as to turn the blood into syrup? Hah?

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You do not find cannoli to be quite sweet? Or anything prepared in an agrodolce manner? What about the Southern Italian penchant for spicy red pepper all in their food? Hah?

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You do not find cannoli to be quite sweet? Or anything prepared in an agrodolce manner? What about the Southern Italian penchant for spicy red pepper all in their food? Hah?

 

My Good Woeman:

 

Canolli is Sicilian. Sfoigliatelle is Neapolitan. My Brides canolli are not cloyingly sweet.

 

'Spicy' red pepper to flavor - not to destroy taste buds or to cover up the rat meat.

 

:D

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Here in Britain we realise that taste buds are an impediment to enjoying a good curry. As for rat meat, I can't say, although about seven years ago there was a takeaway down the road busted for cooking cats.

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