Warning: This blog contains the word 'shit', and possibly other words like 'shit'. If you're not comfortable with reading the word 'shit (or other words similar to 'shit'), then I advise you not to read on, just in case you encounter the word 'shit'. You have been warned! (About the word 'shit').
Hello everybody. Welcome to the GhostOfClayton Twice Fortnightly blog. Comfy? Off we go.
Disco's here, dat goes der
I genuinely doubt that anyone has followed this blog from its early incarnati
Happy New 2015!
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
It’s traditional at this time of year to have a sort of review of the past year, outlining key events and so on. Since I did bugger-all of any worth whatsoever in 2014, I won’t waste your time. Instead, I’ll tell you what I’d like to achieve in 2015.
As ever, for those that don’t really know me (which is all of you – this blog is kept strictly a secret from anyone I actually interact with, just in case they laugh at me)
This morning I found myself in a very strange meeting. In order to tell you why, I'm going to have to give you a little history lesson, so get comfortable . . . there may even be a test later!
The quiet little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans was not always so quiet. During the war, there was much activity in the skies above it, and the drone of low-flying heavy bomber engines would be a regular event. The reason was that the village lies on the top of a steep escarpment overlooking an area of
Warning: This blog contains a few mild swear words. They are all used gratuitously, and are by no means required by the context. I just felt like using them.
Hello everybody. Welcome to the GhostOfClayton Twice Fortnightly Blog (twice-fortnightly until I can no longer be arsed). Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
I had a toothache this week. Not too painful, but sufficient to make chewing on the right side of my mouth an uncomfortable experience. It went away the next day,
Bashing the Bishop
What do you think to the title? Bit rude? Bit adult? Hey, I can do blogs that�re �edgy�. In fact, there are those in the world that will almost certainly find the following down right offensive. There are those who say it�s high time I did a controversial blog. So here goes:
It may have passed the rest of the world by, but the Church of England had a vote recently on whether or not they should allow women to be ordained as bishops. In the end, they voted against, some
Well here we are once again, that annual midwinter dog and pony show they call Christmas. Bloody hell! And that was swearing. I make no apology, and I will swear later as well.
It�s already a matter of record that I lament Christmas getting ever-earlier (I blogged about it a few weeks ago . . . where were you?), so that�s the first reason for me to curse. Apart from that, I�m not religious, I probably have anti-capitalist tendencies, and don�t have kids, I rarely drink, I�m still on that per
Back in the UK now.
After a long and tiring day on Saturday spent on the French TGV, the EuroStar, and then the East Coast Main Line, I had one day's rest . . . which I spent doing laundry, shopping, ironing, cutting the grass, etc., etc.
On Monday I found that I had agreed to do some voluntary work for one of the RSPB reserves that line the Humber Estuary. An interesting day. The reserve own a flock of Hebridean sheep
which require regular maintenance, and today was the day the
I’ve just been through a course of treatment for premature ejaculation. I’m OK now, but for a while it was touch & go.
<rimshot>
Just getting in the mood, because I’m starting to fit jobs around our annual visit to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. For as long as I can remember I’d heard tales of this legendary festival, and longed to go, but never did. I wasn’t really sure why, but if I’m honest I was probably a little over-awed by it. It is after all, the largest festival on the pl
I have been away from the sleepy little village of Aquis-Of-The-Romans for a while, but I returned to find there had been shinanegans aplenty in my absence.
It started one morning at about 3:00am, when many residents noticed a short ring from their phones. They awoke the following morning to find the phone lines dead. Investigation revealed that this was the case for every phone line in the village!
One resident, (probably more than one) went through the lengthy and difficult procedure o
I need a little break from doing research, so here I am, blogging. If you read my last blog, you�d know that I shall be doing a �gig� in The Big Apple in May. Doing tours for the first time is always a frustrating experience. You can�t give �oh, it�s my first time� as an excuse to a group who have each parted with a significant wedge of cash. You need to arrive knowing the place like the back of your hand, as if you�d lived there all your life, having made friends of all the contacts long before
Hello loyal followers, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
Technology fails me again
I spent quite some time on Sunday typing out this blog, ready to publish it on Monday. Much thought went into the subtle wordplay, intelligent prose and reader-experience. I checked it over, made changes, was happy with the result. Repeated the check, made more changes, was no more or less happy with the result. I repeated the last pa
Incidentally, the title of this blog refers not to some drunken adolescent, but the frittering away of one's formative years. It's a phrase often associated with the game of snooker, and is certainly true in my case. more on that later.
A stroke of luck
The day of the Royal Wedding found me staying just outside the oldest town in Britain (which is Colchester). Over breakfast, we'd had the telly on, and inevitably it was wall-to-wall coverage of the lead up to the big 'I do'. This seemed to
Hello all, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Little warning: some of it may contain �adult themes�, but all in a proper, medical context.
A letter arrived on the doormat here at OfClayton Towers last week, and I recognised it straight away. It had a cute little anthropomorphised blood drop (who I understand to be called Billy) on the back, and I have had one of these every three months for about the last five or six years. It was the notification that the time had arr
If you remember, last time I left you on a cliff-hanger: Did I go to Bottom Pub with the crowd, or did I respect my 25 year old ban, and stay away? Sorry, you�ll have to wait until next time for the answer to that. I have something topical to discuss this week. That is to say, it was topical when I wrote it. Subsequently, the UNRV website fell into its long coma. It�s no longer topical, but you can read it anyway:-
I�m not sure just how much this news has filtered into other countries, or ev
Chunky, yet hunky!
I am hugely, vastly, monstrously, obesely, humongously overweight! My arse is becoming increasingly more magnificent by the month, and I reluctantly have to admit that my paunch has 'death in service' written all over it (metaphorically, not in the form of a tattoo; that would be odd. I seriously need to do something about this, and the time I need to do something about it is now. I can no longer keep saying Future OfClayton should go on a diet, the fat git! Past OfClayton
