Today is Christmas Day, so I've obviously planned my twice fortnightly blog really badly. It's traditional for those addressing a group at this time of year to offer up an appropriately festive greeting, and so I offer the following to you, dear readers.
1. Christians. “Merry Christmas.” (I bet you’re mortified at what your solemn religious date has become)
2. Observers of non-Christian religions. Sometime around now, I’m sure you guys have your own particular it's-past-the-mid-winter-so
I know, right! It's been many years since I posted a blog entry. Most people here have forgotten who I am, or indeed, never knew anyway. So, why am I posting now?
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin:
Well, for reasons I'll go into later, I've been tidying up at OfClayton Towers, going through its dusty cupboards and run-down outbuildings, with a view to getting rid of whatever I can. Somewhere, at the back of a particularly dusty understairs, half-obscured by cobwebs
It's Monday, so it's time for my weekly blog, and this week, I have two stories to tell you all. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin . . . .
Limericks
I'm very fortunate that, no matter how bloody awful things get outside it, the stuff going on inside my skull is always pretty entertaining. When my mind is not otherwise occupied, it gets caught up with little tasks and trivia, and I can't seem to stop it. I don't want to seem like some kind of old letch, so I won't dwell
I just can't understand why wind turbines cause such controversy. OfClayton Towers is located right on the southern edge of the sleepy little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans. It's next to a field, on an escarpment top facing over the Vale of York (an almost totally flat area stretching to the west as far as the eye can see), so although it�s unlikely to be the site of wind turbines, it wouldn�t be completely out of the question.
If I were to make a list of all the things I wouldn't want place
Welcome One and All to the GhostOfClayton extremely occasional blog. Are you all sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
I know that, looking at me, you wouldn�t think it, but I�m not a drinker. Not absolutely tee total, but only drink socially and very occasionally. So, on Saturday night, after a very small amount of beer, I found myself quite tipsy. Myself and Mrs OfClayton had been invited round by the brother and sister out-law to watch the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympic Games. Di
Warning: In this blog, I do use the word ‘Bitch’ more than once. I’m not a misogynist.
Welcome to GhostOfClayton’s Twice Fortnightly blog. Allow me to introduce myself to new bloggees. I’m a bitch, I’m a mother, I’m a child, I’m a lover, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint. Yes, I stole that. It’s a lyric from Meredith Brooks’ very catchy track, ‘Bitch’. She goes on to say, “I’m your hell, I’m your dream, I’m nothing in-between. You know you wouldn’t want it any other way.” I always feel that the long
Warning: You might nod off while reading this blog, so make sure you’re positioned safely, and that the area around you is free from hazards. In order to protect your safety, I’d better make it just a little bit steamy, just in case. Ah! Now you’re interested . . . .
Anyway, are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
Welcome to GhostOfClayton’s Twice Fortnightly blog. Allow me to introduce myself to new bloggees. I am what I am, and what I am needs no excuses. I deal my own deck,
Welcome to GhostOfClayton’s Twice Fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
An investigative report into dating websites
Before I give you my in-depth expose on dating websites, let me tell you how my interest was initially sparked. In order to do that, I will have to transport you way, way back in time to meet the young OfClayton just as he took his first fresh-faced steps into that biggest of all Mug’s Games, working for a living. The boy you are to meet had found
Warning: The following blog contains strong language, and scenes of a sexual nature.
But first up, more from the iPod:
2-4-6-8 Motorway � Tom Robinson
Woo Hoo � The 5-6-7-8�s (Weird coincidence, given the previous track?)
Up the Junction � Squeeze
This Town Ain�t Big Enough � Sparks
Summer (the First Time) � Bobby Goldsboro
I love "Summer (The First Time)", maybe because it's every man's fantasy first time, eh lads? Mrs Robinson, and all that . . . YOU know what I mean. Whereas,
Hello, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
Trivia Answers
Firstly, I know you�ve all been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for the answers to to last week's quiz questions, so I will keep you in suspenders no longer:
Q1. What was known to the Romans as the Mare Nostrum? (Shame on you if you don't know that one!)
The Mediterranean
Q2. Which modern word derives from the Roman practice of posting
That first frost of Winter
As I write this, it�s November 19th; a date that is etched into my memory as the anniversary of my only significant car accident. It was back in 1986 or 87, I think. I was very young, very poor, and (if I�m honest) very stupid. I was also a typical Yorkshireman - tight-fistedly eking out the last traces of tread from my tires, getting that last few hundred miles, until you could all but see your reflection in them It was a long time ago, but I still remember it well.
. . . so stop reading now if you're likely to be offended or are under 18. I haven't been this cross since my "I'll stick to buying only one cake" blog entry. Here's the story:
The Ghostmobile is due for its annual MOT test by the end of the month (for anyone not familiar, the MOT is a sort of safety inspection that all UK motor vehicles must undergo each year, otherwise, they�re not allowed to travel on the country�s road network). Most motor vehicle owners dread this time of the year, due
I'm not a racist, but . . . I am totally hung up with the thought that someone might think I am. It's almost like a mini-obsession. It would be the worst thing in my little world if anyone else (especially someone belonging to an ethnic minority) got an impression that I might be. And I think the majority of white English folk are just the same as me.
It would be all well and good if this hang up didn't affect our behaviour, but it does. There's a bit of an urban legend that someone went int
Good morrow to thee, Blogees, and welcome one and all to the GhostOfClayton 'Increasing Less Frequent Than Twice-Fortnightly' blog. Comfortable? OK!
Horizon
BBC2's flagship science series 'Horizon' has been in top form of late, but the recent offering 'Science Under Attack' left me almost trembling with frustration. The aim of the programme was to highlight the current trend in society to (at best) mis-trust and (at worst) disbelieve and actively attempt to discredit the scientific major
So, it�s that time of year where most of the population of England get together in order to burn an effigy of a Catholic. This has caused me quite a bit of bother this year, all due to a chain of events that can be traced unbroken back to the sad passing of OfClayton Snr. a few months ago.
Those of you who, like me, are now effectively orphaned will know that the first big task, once the funeral is behind you, is clearing your parents� house of a lifetime�s worth of accumulated clutter. When
Wilkommen ins meinen Blog! Setzen sie alles bequem? Also . . . . .
I may have mentioned it before, but I chair meetings of the 'Aquis-of-the-Romans Residents Association'. The social committee had decided that it would be a good idea to hold a sort of Easter F�te at the local Club, and so held a meeting for all interested parties to plan it out. It was decided that, in order to amuse the kiddies of the village, someone should dress as the Easter Bunny and hand out Easter Eggs, judge the East
Prof Brian 'All the guys want to be him, all the girls want to be with him' Cox
I mentioned in my last blog that the excellent Stargazing Live program started on the BBC on Monday night. It was a treat for us all. For the comedy fans, there was both the towering genius that is Dara O�Briain, and the much underrated Andy Nyman. For pretty much everyone, there was Prof Brian �All the guys want to be him, all the girls want to be with him� Cox. For fans of people who have 'the right stuff', pre
It has been an interesting and busy week:
Green Lantern
The previous Thurday night � I went to a friend�s house and watched the recent Green Lantern film on DVD. Now, I�m far from a superhero/comic book geek, and most of these type of films interest me only in as much as any mildly entertaining action adventure film might. However, I found Green Lantern to be a wonderful film, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Don�t be put off if these sort of things aren�t your usual cup of tea.
Dee � Eye � E
I seem to be back at the point where these are twice fortnightly. I wonder how long that'll last!
Man v. Food
Have you seen �Man vs. Food�? It has been playing almost non-stop on Dave (the UK�s favourite TV channel amongst viewers who have already tried BBC1, BBC2, ITV1 and Channel 4 and don�t really like what�s on them) at the moment. The format of the show is pretty basic. A man who (inexplicably) is not hugely overweight moves from US city to US city, taking on the various �challenge� di
When I’m away, I rarely get the opportunity to enjoy any telly. Partly because it’s quite tricky to get hold of UK TV channels when abroad, but even when I’m in the UK, I don’t have the time. I know I shouldn’t, but I do tend to over indulge when I get back. It’s like coming in from the cold and wrapping yourself in the warming comfort of an old, familiar duvet. There’s been a bit of talk on other blogs about what’s on the telly, so I thought it might be a nice idea to make a list of the Top 10
Hello loyal followers, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
Apologies
First, I know that if this were a truly twice-fortnightly blog, this entry would have appeared last week sometime. I am the type of man who, if something needs doing practically throughout December, that says, "I just want to get Christmas and New year out of the way, and then I'll get on with it . . . ". (I know, ladies. That describes ALL men!). An
Hello, all you out there in Blogland, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-weekly Blog. Are you sitting comfortably? No? Tough! I'm cracking on with this anyway. I haven�t got all day to wait for you to shuffle round and get settled.
High-achiever in the family
OfClayton Nephew 1 of 3 (I'm sure he has a name, but as I mentioned in a previous blog, it's easier to keep track if I number them) has had his name mentioned in the media. OK, so it's only in his college's newsletter, but a
You may have noticed that I didn’t publish my twice weekly blog on Thursday. That’s for two reasons. The first (and probably most pertinent one) is that I had a blog up my sleeve saved in my e-mail drafts, and when I came to look for it, it had gone. Shame. It was a dang good one that explained what a ‘Snowclone’ and an ‘Oxford Comma’ are. The second reason is that, as a responsible blogger, I feel I should talk about the recent events in Paris. Such a weighty subject clearly deserves more of my
I haven’t blogged for a while, and I’m now back in the UK until February, so I thought I’d give it a go.
In a New York State of Mind
On the 5th October I bade a fond farewell to New York City and returned to these shores. It was an interesting goodbye, because this year I’d seen much more of New York State; it’s always good to see a place in context, rather than just living in the little bubble of the city. The reason is that I’ve been doing a new tour, and I’ll tell you a little about i
HP Sauce � turns a sandwich into a manwich
Now, I�m not one to do celebrity product endorsements (you have to be a celebrity to do that, for starters), and I�m certainly not in favour of the creeping product placement we seem to be experiencing nowadays. But I do like HP Sauce. Those who don�t know what HP Sauce is (this equates to no-one in the UK, and probably practically everyone anywhere else), are now asking �what is HP Sauce?� Basically, it�s the proprietary brand among a collection of pr
