Who amongst you had a dull monday? A fair few of you I'll bet, but I'm afraid my monday was probably duller than yours. It was one of those days when the whole town just seemed to say "I can't be bothered".
I did see an interesting bit of aerial combat between a crow and a gull at the park. The crow was faster and kept on catching up, but that agile gull certainly had the edge on manoeverability. Here we have a perfect opportunity to witness evolution as it happens. Only the fittest will su
Ask yourself what sort of weekend you had. Mine was windy. That's probably because october is Swindon's Windy Season anyway, but I guess most of the country were experiencing blustery conditions as well. Nonetheless I was bored so venturing out on the saturday night was definitely on.
Getting drunk is a bit expensive these days. So much so that landmark pubs are being demolished here in Swindon. There are two closed premises just down the road from me that are going to be turned into flats i
Now that the british weather has woken up and realised we were getting too much warmth and sunshine, october has returned with a vengeance. Although it isn't raining the temperature has dropped alarmingly, made worse by a strong wind. One of the regulars at the library rushed to his chosen computer and saw me. "It's a bit chilly out there isn't it?"
Yes. Yes it is. Very. Maybe it just feels bad because we've had such a balmy autumn so far. There's barely a brown leaf to be seen anywhere. Sti
Can anyone be perfect? Some of us believe so, usually the type of person that wears a black polo neck sweater, a gold medallion, and earns millions by telling everyone else how they can be too. I wonder how we see ourselves? The obvious answer is to use a mirror or a photograph, but what I actually mean is our own perception of ourselves. Those lads in the street this last weekend no doubt regard themselves as good-for-a-laugh salt-of-the-earth characters. What? A bunch of drunken louts?
Hea
That about wraps it up for the warmest October on record. Still humid, still sweaty, and a damp drizzly day. "That's a right ol' rain that is." Commented some old guy as I left the library this morning. He was right. It was like being sprayed by a fine hose. Clearly a gentleman with much experience in the ways of Wiltshire weather.
Yesterday was of course a good deal sunnier and I wandered around Croft Wood, taking in the solitude between dog walking shifts. It's never going to be as quiet a
Swindon is a place of opposites. A place that is comfortable with its future but not with its past. A place that aspires to be a city but cannot free itself of a small town attitude. A place that is ribbed by comedians and... well... deserves to be. This paragraph alone probably puts me on a council ninja hit-list but I shall not be silenced.
I saw a letter in the local newspaper written by a concerned visitor. His Swindon experience was marred by the number of rats running round the old pla
This morning I sat through another shift at the museum. Come on people, why not pop in and learn something? What about you madam? Fancy a trip through history? No?
What about you sir? Yes you. Why not save on your mobile phone charges by spending an hour on our premises? No?
Hang on madam. That child of yours needs an education. Bring your little barbarian in here and put him off to a good start toward civilisation. No?
And who is that woman who keeps walking past the museum in the s
Take a deep breath Caldrail. Today you are fifty years of age. Funny thing is I don't feel like I'm fifty, apart from the usual disintegration of the male body in middle age. They say you're as young as you feel and coincidentially I keep getting people telling me that I'm still young. It seems the average person has a very poor understanding of human biology.
Fifty is one of those milestones in your life. Quite why the number fifty is significant is a matter of curiosity to me. There's no l
Heve you ever noticed how persitently the civil service agencies tell us how great their customer serrvice is? They hang posters on every wall, print colourful pamphlets, and assure us that everyone is equal and important to the world. The truth, as I've discovered, is that human beings fall well short of government guidelines. Not just the politicians, but those bureaucrats who work on their behalf.
I had a drubbing in public from Bovine Betty more than a year ago. I remember her deliberate
There's been plenty of reminders in the news that a six ton satellite is about to crash toward Earth as the laws of gravity overcome millions of dollars worth of investment in orbital technology. No-one knows exactly where it's coming down, or exactly when. Apparently my chances of being hit by lumps of melted NASA hardware are something like 1 in 3200. Given that a satellite of this size crashes to Earth every year, that does make my future look little better than standing at the target end of
Way back when I was very young I had a fascination for dinosaurs. Time and again I would leaf through books showing artists impressions of lost worlds, painted images, rather than the photoreal imaging that is increasingly common in childrens books today. Back then dinosaurs were an object of curiosity but unfashionable. Kids generally preferred football. Not me. In my imagination I walked among the swamps andf orests of the Jurassic world.
These dinosaurs are immensely popular. And to under
Yesterday I'd arranged to meet DW for a photo-shoot in town. The weather map last night showed rain crossing the country and I had images in my mind of being immortalised as a miserable drowned rat. As it happens the weather wasn't too bad, being merely overcast.
With my business for the day seen to I had some time on my hands. Quite a lot of it So I sat down outside the library and watched the world go by. What is this life if we have no time to sit and doss?
All of a sudden I realise
You know what? After being accused of leading a fantasy life, I have to speak out. Sorry, but it's real. I really am here. And just to prove how lame my life can be, I wish to describe the highlights of yesterday...
1 - A woman asks me for assistance. That was unexpected. The reason was of course Microsoft Excel, the cause of more lost hair and failed interviews than anything else known to mankind. Don't get me wrong, my excel skills are best described as 'Almost', yet I still know more abou
Every so often in your life there's a dim awareness that you're supoosed to do something. I find this usually occurs in that drowsy state when your concious mind is struggling to make itself heard against the instinct to stay in bed and sleep some more.
Eventually it dawned on me that morning had broken. Does that mean I might have to get out of bed? Yep. That's the way the world works. Or not, if you're unemployed. As Kenny's dad from South Park wryly observed, "When you're unemployed weeke
I've always said that you can tell a lot about someone by the way they enter a room. DW, our intrepid reporter for the online wiltshire magazine, always seems to enter a room without having to open the door. That's quite a classy entry and frankly I'm envious. My personal battles with doors are the stuff of legend.
It turns out that DW has just interviewed a celebrity for his website. I've never heard of her before but I 'm sure she's very famous. Yet no sooner had I poured scorn on his late
Now it's official - Privacy is dead. Get used to it. I learned that from Russia Today yesterday. That comes as something of a suprise since after decades of Cold War fiction I had no idea Russia had any privacy at all. So this is a cheery hello to all those secret agents in Russia who are currently reading my blog. Hi guys.
Euro Wobbles
Finacial experts (is there such a thing?) are predicting the current economic woes of the eurozone will continue for decades. Given the shakey record of so
With so much done yesterday I decided to relax my job seeking and take advantage of a break in the blustery winds and showers. It's been a while since I took a hike out into the country and believe me, I was stunned by how unfit I've become. By the time I'd trudged up the hill where I live I was sweating and breathing deeply. Not good. Not good at all.
As I crossed the polo ground, the grass wet with dew, I encounterd the morning dog walking shift. My suspicions about how long I'd been avoi
You might think from reading this blog that things aren't quite going my way. Correct. However, it isn't all that bad, and sometimes I end up with a few quid left my pocket to indulge my passion for takeways. This week didn't quite leave me enough for my favourite curry. So it's a bag of chips then?
Do I really want to go up the hill at the back of my house and barter for the wrong meal in that chinese fish and chip shop? As far as I can tell, they have no comprehension of customer service o
How many people actually read their horoscopes? You see them everywhere, books, newspapers, and websites. All of them giving a paragraph of advice for the day. As of this morning I'm beginning to wish I'd read mine. At least that way I would have known what was about to happen.
"Face it, you're desperate!" Yelled a woman in a spasm of irritation ealier today. There I was, dozing comfortably on a sunday morning, and out of the blue I'm woken by some woman somewhere. I have no idea who she was
Among the many housekeeping duties at the museum is getting rid of the rubbish. I never cease to be amazed at the pile that collects every week and before assumptions are made, it's the staff who are the worst offenders by far.
Yesterday it was my turn to get rid of the rubbish. I had no choice. A delivery driver strode in bearing documents and asked for assistance in getting his delivery off the truck and into the premises, which given our location wasn't unreasonable. I left the desk in th
Yesterday I was called upon to attend another internet session at the programme centre. Nothing unusual there except of late I've had to sit and wait before they open the room. I mean, don't they know I'm Lord Caldrail and must not be delayed? Apparently not. I had to send them a letter reminding them that I wasn't plain old Mister Caldrail anymore. People do struggle to remember that I notice, unless they intend making light of it like those two single mums I passed in the street.
Yes, ladi
Today I think I shall struggle a little to find something to write about. So far the biggest event of the day was some guy having a loud conversation on his mobile phone whilst sat by the next computor to me. Hardly world shaking stuff.
Dying A Death
What on earth is all this fuss about Magrahi for? If the court was correct and he was guilty of causing the Lockerbie Bombing, then frankly I have no sympathy for him at all. So what if he's dying of cancer? There are people around the world d
Ladies, Gentelemen, and Swindon Residents, I have gathered you here on the Blog Express to inform you that something terrible has happened. First, let us look at the clues.
Clue No1 - We've run out of August.
Clue No2 - All the librarians are telling us how much they enjoyed their summer holiday.
Clue No3 - An increasingly blustery wind.
Clue No4 - Weather forecasts predicting heavy rain on a regular basis.
Clue No5 - Slightly shorter days and less urge to get out of bed.
A few times already I've mentioned those amateur video programs on television, where members of the public send in clips of animals and people doing stupid things or suffering minor accidents. As much as we can laugh at idiots from the comfort of our own home, I've always had doubts about the wisdom of presenting physical injury as funny.
A couple of days ago I found out that someone had died while riding a bike. Apparently he lost control and hit a brick wall. The witnesses, who were child
A few nights ago I took a moment to take in the view overlooking the valley below my home. In Roman times it was verdant countryside with a farmyard at the bottom of the hill. Even in victorian times it was a green belt between the old market town on the hill and the new industrial village built for Brunel's new railway. Now it's urban sprawl, with an abandoned college building dominating the view.
I'm used to seeing movement in the back yard and the alleys leading from it. People use the ar
