The weatherman said it would rain early this morning but clear later. I won't ignore such advice and although the map looked encouraging with disappearing blue areas, this is rainy old Swindon after all. So when I got up I glanced between the curtains and behold, the rain has indeed stopped. Brill. Now I can go about my business safe and secure in the knowledge I won't get wet. By now you've probably guessed what's going to happen.
Congratulations, you guessed correctly. I was of course com
There are certain things in life that you know aren't entirely sincere but you do them all the same, such as buying cars, watching party political broadcasts, going to church, or reading horoscopes. Sometimes you just can't help yourself.
I glanced at my horoscope this morning and this is what I read...
Have you been thinking about writing an article of some sort, perhaps involving travel or a fascinating new field? If so, Libra, you might want to start it today. Your creative juices are
The old guy sat at the bar watched me order a pint of cider before wishing me a good afternoon by way of friendly greeting. The pub had looked inviting, and after returning from my trek up to Bincknoll Castle (a medieval site a few miles southwest of Swindon) the prospect of a cold pint was too good to ignore. With framed photographs of Lancaster bombers on the walls I knew this was a proper English country pub.
He was a talkative chap. Pretty much a typical country bar-fly I suppose, but I
Today we discuss the subject of fantasy. I don't mean pictures of naked women in silly positions (though I imagine the people who like those sort of images rely on fantasy more often than not) nor getting dressed in medieval style clothes and running round ruined castles with rubber swords. No, I have other things in mind.
In the wake of the shocking explosions in Norway, the media have been keen to show photographs of the perpetrator dressed like an all action special agent. It does illustr
My boss was busy. Downstairs, out on the shop floor, crowds of youngsters on their half-term holiday were pouring in through the door demanding the latest fashions to wear incorrectly. I, the unkempt apprentice, was given my chores for the day and left to complete them. This was going to be a trying day. Piles of boxes had been set aside for me to process and unpack. If only there were an easy way to deal with this onerous task... If only...
In the dark and stygian stockroom, I opened a cart
How many times have you heard it said? Go somewhere - you never know who you might meet? Yesterday was my modest journey to the sports hall, and as chance would have it, my route home took me through a shopping centre nearby. I don't usually expend my cash there - I used to, when I had a car with less ventilation and bits missing, but that was a few years ago.
I spotted a woman at some distance. Not sure why. Maybe her red coat caught my eye. Or perhaps her blonde hair. Whatever attracted my
It might be sunny out there, but what a chilly morning. A brief stroll through the park today was a bitter briefer than I anticipated. More like a brisk stroll.
I notice the lake is lower than usual. That gravel beach is exposed again. of course the birds love it, it allows them to get in and out of the water easily and somewhere to sleep on dry land away from the footpath inhabited by loud drunken human beings.
Except for a solitary canadian goose who seemed very keen to find someone wi
Cold. Wet. Dull.
Welcome to a very average Tuesday in Swindon. I'd like to say more but there's only so many times you describe the realities of the rainforests of Darkest Wiltshire.
The highlight of the last twenty four hours was bumping into the boss of the museum as I dragged my weekly shopping home. We had a nice little chinwag, mostly about recruitment agencies, and we're both agreed that agencies are the curse of western civilisation.
As it happens one of my recent job applicat
This is ridiculous. Now that I have to sign on the dole every single working day, my usual routine is upset. I don't know if you've noticed but my blog has mutated into a television critic webpage, and I'm gaining weight because I'm just not active any more. Seriously, I have this notion of turning up to my signing slot tomorrow with my pack and hiking gear.
I can just imagine a caustic "Going somewhere Caldrail?"
Oh hi Mr Claims Advisor, yeah, I'm off hiking when we're done here, why n
Cue upbeat theme music and close ups of scantily clad women between clips of Caldrail goofing
Hi there, and welcome to Eye on Rushey Platt. I'm your host Caldrail. In todays entry -
Did Miss L do that to her hair on purpose?
Why has AM been banned from his favourite library PC?
Does DS know I've heard her mocking me as she walks past my home on Friday night?
Is there any truth to the rumour that SB is about to get his revenge?
But first, a shocking new development down th
Sometimes I wonder if falling over is a communicable disease. A former boss, DS, has long demonstrated a complete inability to stay on her feet, drunk or sobre. It seems I'm starting to show signs of the same affliction.
My task for the day was simple. I have one of those desktop lamps that doesn't have a bulb to fit it. So I set off with the aim to find a suitable light bulb with which to illuminate the darkened recesses of my hovel. Unfortunately the lamp happens to be one of those old Woo
We were all stunned this morning to discover KS had not turned up for work. Absence is a dangerous thing on a government sponsored placement. You could end up losing your benefits entitlement (or even your freedom, as one young lady was found guilty of submitting the bus expenses three times over and now faces a criminal prosecution).
We were all discussing our missing friend. Has he been killed on a runaway bus, has his girlfriend locked him up as a sex slave, or perhaps more likely, had he
Hello, I'm Caldrail, she isn't, and you're reading The Albion News Network (brought to you by International Portakabins - "We don't break windows").
Todays headlines - Major logisitics company fail to deliver parcels.... Warehouse manager under investigation for failing to meet deadlines.... Security guard mocked for failing to send Caldrail to the right door.....Office girl sacked for failing....
We'll have more on these stories later, but now, an important message from our sponsors...
What a gloomy day. It just is. Waking up this morning after the christmnas season is a test of resolve to begin with without a grey, drab day to persuade you that sleeping in is a better idea.
News From The Drab Grey Town
Despite appearances to the contrary, a quick survey of the newspaper headlines reveals an armed robbery on a newsagent in Pinehurst. That area is one of the three 'P's of Swindon (Pinehurst, Penhill, and Park), our local sinkhole estates that taxi drivers refused to deliv
With a quiet wednesday looming and more good weather to enjoy, the temptation to head for the hills was too much. In the early hours of this morning I packed my rucksack and set off into the gloomy twilight. The sun had barely risen a couple of degrees, so only between gaps in the urban landscape did that amber glow light up the sides of trees and houses.
The problem with hiking at this time of year is getting comfrotable. The early morning often brings a biting chill, as indeed today it did
Most of us do dumb things at times. I used to hear work colleagues confidently claim that they never made mistakes, but they did, one being an attempt to convince the management that they were superior workers. That sort of mistake is due to poor decision making and to some extent, a deliberate risk.
The rest of us, sooner or later, foul up. Yesterday I did that magnificently. You see, when I get sent on these courses on how to search for jobs, I'm also obliged to attend a follow up intervie
Every day at work begins with a team briefiing. Slowly at first, then in a great rush as the canteen empties, the shift personnel gather at the allotted place to discover who is on the premises, who is doing what for the next eight hours, and what will happen if certain lazy activities continue.
The manager calls for silence so he can call the register. After a five second wait he calls again with a stern stare at the knot of youngsters who don't understand what 'quiet please' means. Eventua
One of the features of the Wiltshire countryside is the crop circle. A pattern made in a field by flattening crops. Since their early days these patterns have gotten quite sophisticated and some are extraordinary to look at. For me it's a part of everyday life in the country. Every year there's a crop circle or two, so no big deal, though I doubt the farmer sees it that way.
Why do these circles appear? This morning I've picked up a book at the local library that discusses this very point. I
Todays the day. My first job interview in months. The alarm clock was set, something I've not had to bother with since last year, and to be honest, given the humidity during the night it wasn't required anyway.
It takes me a leisurely forty five minutes to stroll down the leisure centre. The weather is cloudy but that humidity is still there. Lord knows what it would have been like had the sun come out. There are indications of storm clouds sweeping across the West Country this morning. Apar
I knew it was going to be slippery this morning and I wasn't disappointed. There was a glass surface on the pavement outside my home. As it happens I was able to avoid a life and death struggle with gravity walking down the hill this morning because someone had thoughtfully cleared the pavement on the other side of the road. Normally that would be a hassle, but with traffic diverted I need only stroll across and around the roadworks. Job done.
Unfortunately not all the ice is cleared in the
Noisy pensioners...
Noisy youths...
Noisy kids...
Could it get any worse? Well yes, actually. Now we have noisy strikers. Council workers are on strike for two days to get bigger pay rises than oil tanker drivers, and so the libraries are shut. They're all lined up outside council premises with printed placards (I wonder how much that cost?) declaring their strike action and calling for public support. They haven't got mine at all.
So its off to the local internet cafe and spend
Don't really have much to say about the last twenty four hours. It might not suprise anyone acquainted with British weather, but this morning is a dull and wet day. Even the library is quiet and well behaved.
Oh yes... I forgot... I had my pocket picked yesterday. I hope the thief enjoys the tenner he took from me and please don't feel bad about letting me starve for the week.
Oh Yeah... That Wedding...
I suppose it's inevitable that our royal family occaisionally do something the media
With the Greek Cities no longer bothering us, and rebels pushed aside on Sicily, my obvious next move was to attack Carthage. Surely a victory would raise our standing in Rome, which I have been informed is not good. We need triumphs!
Herenius Valerius, our adopted colleague, led the assault on the city of the Punes. A small relief force attempted an ambush upon him, led by none other than Hasdrubal himself, who I understand swore not to retreat from the field of battle until we were defeate
270 to 264 BC
My capital was Capua, south of Rome. Also I started with a colony on Sicily. I had every intention of conquering the entire island for Rome's glory. It seems the Senate anticipated this and urged me to attack Syracuse, a great metropolis under the control of the Greek Cities. Start as you mean to continue then.
Rapid recruitment ensued and my reinforcements arrived by sea from the port of Ostia. There was a minor scuffle with sicilian bandits who soon succumbed to our swords.
I've decided that television is an insidious device created for the sole purpose of keeping people off the streets. As you probably guessed, I was kept off the streets last night. probably no bad thing mind you, as Swindon streets are certainly no better than anyone elses.
This morning I watched a team of hi-vis clothing walking the pavements measuring distances with little wheely things. At first it occured to me that our local council might have realised the streets exist and that they ne
