In my foolish innocence I quaffed one of those high energy drinks last night. No sleep for me then. I did manage to get a couple of hours rest in a semi-comatosed state when the drinks effects began to wear off. There goes the alarm clock. I seriously, seriously did not want to get out of bed. It was only the start of Miserable Monday...
Getting To Work
For me the journey to work is a matter of several hundred yards, so no problem there. This morning though I was accosted by a confused old
On my way to the library this afternoon I happened to pass along an old footpath in Okus. It dates from before the town of Swindon grew across this particular stretch of farmland in the 60's. In fact, I used to walk that way going to school. There was always that two tone blue sports car parked in someones drive that I used to fantasise over. Back then, I hadn't any idea what it was, but in the passing of years I've come to know it was a TVR Tasmin, and why it was always parked in the drive.
I have no idea who rang the doorbell this morning but thank you anyway. There I was, snoozing away,, lost in a land of sheep and... Well, dreams... When I heard the frantic attempts to attract someones (anyones) attention out in the street. Ohmigosh! It's daylight outside! I've slept in!
By the time I'd wearily fallen out of bed I remembered this was indeed saturday and I wasn't late for work. I hate to say it, but I'm almost rehabilitated. Heck, I'm turning into a mature responsible adult.
They still want me to reaffirm my devotion to Jesus.
This is ridiculous. How can you reaffirm something you never affirmed in the first place? Not once have I ever voluntarily entered a church for a public service in my entire life. It's as if they're saying "Be miserable heathen. Or be happy as a christian". That's like becoming a slave and being happy about it because at last you have someone to boss you around.
Look guys, Jesus wasn't the son of any God whatsoever and you know what?
Today our jobseekers rehabilitation programme covered bullying. We discussed aggression, perception, and expression. Or at least, some of us did. In truth most of us are so bored of this programme by now we've all lost the will to live. Our ever cheerful resident sex change person tells us she(?) listened to the radio this morning. Surely life cannot get better than that?
In fairness to our advisors they decided to give us a treat today. We were going on an outing, a field trip, a visit to a
The universe is going down the plughole. It really is. I used to think the epicentre of this phenomenon was Swindon, but apparently there's a place far far away that's sucking in galaxies at a huge rate. I learned that from a science program on television last night.
Science is fun. Now before you all click on a link to another part of the world wide interesting net, bear with me. You see, I had this sort of conversation with J a couple of days ago. I made an observation that the science pro
Previously I've mentioned our resident dragon. His party trick of issuing dark smoke from his lungs has got us all curious and earned him the nickname Mistymouth. Today I spotted him on the search for precious stones and knights in armour amongst our boxes, and I decided to confront the creature and demand to know how he breathed fire. I now have the answer, but let's make a quiz of it.
How did Mistymouth breath smoke?
a - A quick, furtive, illegal, and highly dangerous lit cigarette?
I've been requested by J to make a full and complete report on the events of Mellow Monday. Okeedokee. Here goes...
First Things First
Woke up. Still dark. Dozed off again. Woken at the last minute by the noise of my neighbour slamming the door, proof that noisy neighbours can be useful. Got washed, dressed, fed (in no particular order) and stumbled down the stairs to start my short amble to work. Lovely morning, bright sunny sky, but heck it was cold.
Dramatic Developments In Stockroom
What a day! Glorious blue skies and sunshine. I'm in a good mood, the young lady leaning out of her upstairs window smoking wasn't in the mood to criticise me when I walkd past, the ginger cat rubbing against the brick wall didn't run away, and this has to have been the quietest saturday night for a long time.
Apart from the usual renditions of the 'F' word up until three o'clock, but hey, kids like to play don't they? All those tiny little dramas were played out on the street again last nig
Human endeavour is a curious thing. A lot of what we do is little more than instinct. Watch any wildlife program and you see exactly the same behaviour patterns that human beings have always displayed. It's just that we like to kid ourselves that we're somehow superior when in private we like being as animal as possible... What? The same goes for war. It's just an extension of one herd against another in competition for something. Most animal species have learned to ritualise such behaviour to m
Welcome back to Caldrail FM, and for those just tuning in, it's a special hello to J, my stockroom supervisor, who's just discovered this blog and is probably sneaking into the office to read it as I write.
Hi Mr J. Love the nunchucks.
Meeting People
leaving work just now I bumped into Sophie again. She's a lovely blonde lady who does all this charity work, where she lulls you into a false sense of security then gets you to sign away all your money for gay eco-deaf children or whatever
The prospect of Work Experience Day is something I've come to dread. Every week we file into the classroom and spend the day wallowing in retro-infant school nostalgia. Needless to say, I was expecting another lesson better suited to four year olds.
To my pleasant suprise our advisor, TB, brought out a pile of Mecanno sets and tried to give us a lesson about following instructions. As if I listened. I was too busy enjoying the delights of pseudo-car manufacture from kit parts.
The only
There's a chap who works on the shop floor who sometimes comes up to grab stock from us. The sort of guy who's completely grey. He just doesn't intrude on the senses at all, In fact, I wouldn't mention him at all if it wasn't for his party trick of exhaling smoke. No, seriously he does, without a cigarette, dark grey smoke billowing out of his lungs. It looks utterly bizarre. KS spotted it today and we had a banter about this strange phenomenon.
Not only do we have a ghost on the premises, b
See those racks there? I looked at the endless ranks of women clothes stuffed tightly into every possible space. Not even an anorexic see-through nightie could find a spot to hang out. Well, my job was to move all the tee-shirts and clothes with multi-coloured labels from there... over to... there. No particular reason, it's just that managers like to see us working so invent tasks for us to complete. heck, this is like working in the army.
So KS and I began our task with our usual banter. I
Today was a little dull at work. It always is when you know the weather outside is bright and sunny (mostly because the managers are away enjoying it thus they're not directing your efforts). So I spent much of the day restacking piles of cardboard boxes. Another thrilling day in my life.
However, I noticed some of the odd architectural features of the stockroom. The long dark alcove behind the air conditioning ducts. The empty room beside the fire escape that the stairs don't quite reach. I
We've had the warmest January ever apparently, despite the persistent siberian snow falls. Is it just me me, or is this global warming thing a complete fabrication?
The religious mania surrounding ecological issues these days is getting a bit tiresome. Do people actually believe they can 'save the planet' by obeying the worlds governments and not doing anything? 'Save the Government finances' more like. The increasing number of citizens and their use of energy is forcing countries to build
I have changed my mind. Such a decisive moment in my life is somewhat rare these days, but hey, there you go. The subject of this mighty mental re-evaluation is of course Star Trek. I've always dismissed Voyager as a bit wishy-washy, but after all this time and endless repeats of all the series, I'm starting to think Captain Janeway's politically correct attempt to reach home is the one that's maturing the best.
The old Star Trek, the original, with all those iconic characters is of course p
It's over - It's all over, the University of West England has pulled out of the negotiations to build a campus in Swindon. Those with ambitioious plans to create a city in the likeness of Swindon are in tears, hopes dashed, dreams smashed, plans trashed. The real reason it all fell around their ears was that government funding has been slashed. Whatever happened to Labours election battlecry "Education, education, education..."?
The Old College site is to be flattened by the end of the year.
A few times now I've mentioned the obstacles caused by old people as they struggle to manoever around the enviroment. Of course I agree that one day it'll be me doing none too well and obstructing young whippersnappers going about their urgent business, but hey, that's life. In the meantime I'd like to record a few encounters of the aged kind.
The first clue that pensioners weren't just obstacles came when I popped across the road during my lunchbreak. I use another department store as a sho
We were all stunned this morning to discover KS had not turned up for work. Absence is a dangerous thing on a government sponsored placement. You could end up losing your benefits entitlement (or even your freedom, as one young lady was found guilty of submitting the bus expenses three times over and now faces a criminal prosecution).
We were all discussing our missing friend. Has he been killed on a runaway bus, has his girlfriend locked him up as a sex slave, or perhaps more likely, had he
After the ribald and violent cacophany of the saturday night, last night was as quiet as the grave. Taking advantage of this unusual stillness I gave in to curiosity and sat down to watch the British Film Awards.
Award ceremonies aren't the sort of thing I usually watch. After the first few winners approach the microphone and say "Uuuh....", you kind of lose interest. Which is interesting in itself. I noticed that my attention varied in proportion to the awardee's ability and confidenc
In case anyone doesn't know, Archie is dead and Stacey did it. I imagine by this time the whole world has heard about that. Another thing everyone has probably already heard is that I don't like soap operas. That surreal glitziness of working class Coronation Street, that farcical drama and tragedy of rural life in Yorkshire, that irredeemably dystopic world of Albert Square. Those claustrophobic virtual worlds might be wonderful to some people, but seriously, I really don't care what happens. W
What a gloriously sunny day! Now that I spend four days a week locked inside 'The Bin' as the shop staff call it, sunlight is a rare commodity for me. What do you do on sunny days? I've forgotten. Well let's find out...
Sunbathing
I must admit, stripping off in these temperatures isn't a comfortable prospect. Despite the warm sun it's absolutely freezing out there. I remember when I was 14 years old I went on a skiing trip with the school to Austria. On the day we turned up there were young
Roughly every two or three days we get warnings on television about heavy snow. The familiar amber triangle displayed on our screens is getting a little boring, especially when nothing happens. Take today for instance. Despite "The end is nigh" every half hour on the news channel, I've witnessed nothing but fair weather. Lovely day out there. Birds are singing, children are playing, the boss is smiling, and I didn't have to wait for a library computer. What could be better? Apart from millions i
Today was another session at the Work Experience Programme, in which we are supposed to fit a jobsearch in between the various group activities. I always find this very frustrating because what I'd like to do is turn up and get on with it, without all these infant school distractions.
Todays distraction was about presentations, and our group (composed of the noisier elements of the class, myself included) were given a brief to assemble a presentation on facilities and assistance for drug and
