Fame!
I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly
Those of us scarred and traumatised by the 1980's will no doubt recognise lyrics from that song belonging to a television series which I'm pleased to say I managed to avoid entirely. But what is fame? A reputation? A state of being? A mysterious blessing from fate? Curiously enough, people generally either see it with some degree of religious awe or an excuse for utter contempt.
I made the mistake once of describing my
Good afternoon readers, this is Caldrail, live at the grand opening of Swindons new library. I'm going to take you now inside this wonderful edifice and...
"Are you with the children?"
Huh? What? Do I look five years old? I've got grey hair for crying out loud.
"Sorry Sir, library opens at two..."
Two o'clock. Humph. Right. Well its back to the studio for news of Caldrails latest phone call with the police.
Phone Call of the Week
A message left by a policeman who said they'd
Right now - this moment - it just started pouring with rain. Sunshine and showers the report had said and lo and behold as soon as I risk a journey to the local library, fate punishes me for my presumption with a cascade of water down the windows. So now I'm trapped in the same building as the rest of library going public.
Oh ye gods, the rain it doth rain harder. It has just become a veritable deluge out there. Stand by for more updates as we go Live At The Library.
Changes at the Indus
Sunday is well named. It really is a nice day out there. This morning I couldn't resist taking a break down by the lake at Queens Park. With water levels so low, the gravel beach also exposes larger stones that make convenient seats. A flock of bemused pidgeons strut by in random directions, heads titling, trying to figure out what breed of bird I might be. Give it up guys. Your brain is too small.
The geese and swans never even stirred. They all remained curled up a few yards away. I gues
Half past eight? The interview slot was a bit suspicious but that's the time printed on the notification. As it turned out that's the new opening hours of the Job Centre. A few waifs and strays like me silently congregated in the small plaza outside in varrious states of dishevellment. Personally I just couldn't be bothered to dress tidily at this hour of the day and for my part turned up looking like a vietnam POW. The security guard opened the doors and we all sauntered in.
Android Lady a
Yesterday I was called upon to attend another internet session at the programme centre. Nothing unusual there except of late I've had to sit and wait before they open the room. I mean, don't they know I'm Lord Caldrail and must not be delayed? Apparently not. I had to send them a letter reminding them that I wasn't plain old Mister Caldrail anymore. People do struggle to remember that I notice, unless they intend making light of it like those two single mums I passed in the street.
Yes, ladi
A nice day for a quick stroll through the park. A couple amble toward the edge of the lake and the local population of waterfowl converge on them, hoping for their morning supply of bread, which they were duly offered and a mad scramble for damp morsels ensued. One seabird seems to have gotten annoyed at one of the geese. It glided on the wind, stationary above the offending goose, wings gently rocking from side to side as it assumed the optimum position, then dived on him again and again. The f
Sooner or later my cupboards are bare, and a trip to the shops is necessary to replenish my humble larder. That means spending money too. Disaster.
As I started picking goods from the shelves it became clear that the elderly population of Swindon had also decided to do the same as me. Is this 'pension day' or something? Hordes of them, shuffling here and there, or standing confused in the gangways. I shouldn't be so critical of course - I'm only a sdecade or so away from becoming one of th
We were gathered there together to hear the words of Young L, our local high priest of the Top Gear temple, whether we liked it or not. The lesson for the day was the wayward handling of the new Ferrari FF when in high gear. Having watched the Stig fail to negotiate a frozen lake surface for that reason, Young L gamely attempted to convert the faithful to his way of thinking, or rather to sound clever by repeating what he'd seen on television.
L - Just stop talking for a moment. If you drive
Yesterday afternoon was one of those hazy lazy days. I snoozed on a park bench and even though I wasn't there for very long, I spotted the effects of sunshine on my face in the mirror when I got home. Woah that's red. What else can I do now my leisure time has increased?.. Uhhh... Oh I know, lets try to get a fantastic sunset photo. Now's the time, with volcanic ash causing all sorts of colour effects in the atmosphere. There was a saffron edge to the grey-blue cloud as the sun got lower, and fa
A quick jog through Lawns and it's back down to the library for my usual net-fest. I arrived before the inner doors were opened. The security guard, as usual, waited with professional calm for the exact second to stroll toward the locks, and I do suspect he enjoys the process immensely. It doesn't really matter of course, there's still a selection of books available for perusal and... Hello... What's that notice board over by the window?
It seems our councils have decided to pursue another m
Oh great. A miserable start to the day with a typical grey rainy day. Better still, the Job Centre have decided to put me on yet another course to fill my increasingly busy schedule, and guess what? Someone forgot I was already on a course elsewhere. Now I must attend two courses this week and if I fail to attend "it may affect your benefits".
As it happens I met a guy from Eritrea of all places. He came here to earn a living and avoid the troubles in his home country. It's been two years si
Human beings are creatures of habit. We soon find a comfortable routine in any enviroment, finding a way of life that suits us just fine. Why then do we worry so much about lifestyles?
Everyone likes to suggest how we ought to live. Religion has been doing that for thousands of years of course. It's no coincidence that churches and temples demand attendance and regular prayer. The government very kindly makes lots of rules to persuade us to adopt their own sanitised version of behaviour. Not
There's an old chap I sometimes see by the cenotaph on Regents Circus. He stands there, breadcrumbs in hand, and allows pidgeons to clamber all over him, and I do mean, all over. He is swamped by the birds clamouring for his limited supply of titbits. Not my idea of fun, but each to their own.
I was passing his favourite spot the other day and noticed a crowd of hungry pidgeons milling around a pile of breadcrumbs on the ground. Hang on... Have they eaten Pidgeon Man? Oh no!
One of Lifes
Walking home from the College I was confronted by a dog. The black labrador trotted along the pavement happily wagging its tail, at one with the universe as dogs sometimes are. The owner, an older woman, was blissfully unaware of my approach and stared out across the valley. The dog stared at me. I get the impression it was a somewhat dominant animal as it veered toward me, curious as to why I wasn't stepping aside for it. One quick sniff and it lost interest. Obviously it didn't consider me a t
No... This can't be happening... Three phone calls in the same day. Those of you with social lives might not understand this but communication on this scale is beyond my experience as an older unemployed person. Not only that, but the phone calls were all from an employment agency who've almost ignored me for three years. Normally they email me a rejection the same day I apply for vacancies so imagine my suprise that my existence has finally been recognised.
Not Any More
For the first time
My boiler still isn't fixed. Okay, I know it's the end of february and the onset of spring promises warmer times, but right now Britain is under the sway of a damp chill. Maybe I'm getting used to cold temperatures? I have no choice. The Job Centre want me to come in this morning for more of their statutory rehabilitation sessions.
On the way I wanderd through the local park. The stonework around the edge of the lake has been well and truly fixed, restored, and now the lake looks full again.
One of the great certainties of life on the dole is that you adopt a routine just as much as if you were working. Only you don't get a company car.
My routine is very simple these days. Some people will say I need to get a life, others that I don't know I have one. Some will say that I'm a Has-Been, others that I never have been. They're all wrong of course. But if you don't have money, then your richness of life must be found elsewhere.
I now find some of my richness of life at the loc
My parcel from the States should be due any day now. I'll be glad when it gets here, so I can restore my PC to it's former glory. The hassle of course is making yourself available to sign for the delivery when it finally arrives. Past experience has shown that parcels mysteriously vanish from the doorstep, and on occaision, a naughty delivery driver took the parcel away and signed my name for it. In the meantime, what has the postman brought me today? Lets see... One letter. From the delivery pe
Life is never safe, is it? You can add burglar alarms, smoke alarms, five star crash ratings on your car, health and safety procedures, licensing, all manner of safeguards, and you still get mown down by a runaway hay bale.
Soldiers say that sometimes you a bullet has your name on it. I can't help laughing as remember Blackadder's faithful flunky Baldrick carving his name on one of his bullets so he'd never get hit by it. Quite how you'd carve your name on a hay bale to avoid it hitting you
Last night I braved the wet weather and wandered down to the internet cafe to spend a few coins. Paying for food with a credit card has some advantages even though you get funny looks from those who know you're unemployed.
Along the road I passed by the premises that had been occupied by a motorcycle dealership until recently. It was always a dark and uninviting place, so perhaps it's no small wonder they left. Now the premises has been reopened as a fish market, and what a strange sight.
If you ask around I don't doubt for a moment that you'll find those who think I'm wnot quite right. Partly that's down to my Londonian genes, which grate irritably on the Swindon herd. Partly it's down to my individualism, something else the Swindon herd doesn't comprehend easily. On the other hand, I have a strange exotic ailment normally only reserved for celebrities trying to get out of the jungle.
What is this strange ailment, you might ask? Some of you will be muttering various causes
At the Charity life went on in a sort of organised chaos. You turned up, sat through a prayer meeting, then got told what your duties were for the day. I suppose I was lucky as I often got scheduled to work as a drivers mate on the company van, collecting and delivering secondhand furniture. A relaxing sort of job. Mostly. Okay, the driver was a bit highly stressed, often losing his temper, and of course the drawback to collecting and delivering furniture is that bulky objects are often heavy an
Three weeks of winter mayhem they promised us. We do tend to get wintery weather second hand from the States, albeit weakened by its long journey across the Atlantic, and the news reports of deep snowdrifts over there certainly seemed to confirm our impending doom. So what happened? We've barely had a cold day and it's end of December. No white Christmas then. And now the weather warnings are telling us to expect more winter mayhem. In fairness it does seem that some of us are being stopped by
Only when I let go of what I am, can I become what I can be
Lao Tsu (400BC)
This afternoon I saw that piece of philosophy hung on an office wall. What a fascinating insight. What it should mean is that only by letting go of the past and any inhibitions learned can you progress. Unfortunately, the chinese fella who wrote this was only concerned with a positive application. It could just as easily mean that a man must hang on to success or fall by the wayside. Sorry, Lao, but you said it. Ult
