I like cars. Especially the fast ones. No, thats not right...
I like fast cars. Especially the very fast ones. Yep, thats right.
But not all of them. For various reasons, either the aesthetics, personal experience, or the revealing reviews of driving journalists, there are bound to be those I don't regard as worthy. Take the Lamborghini Gallardo for instance. Now italian supercars fire my blood yet last year one trundled past me in town. A white convertible owned by a local man and it lo
I've been shouted at by a woman as I left work yesterday. Don't know why - she just started on me and gave her opinions as to my capability. Yeah whatever lady, just keep taking the pills. No doubt she's bragging to her friends and family about how she saw me off, but could my lookalike please stop upsetting everyone?
Advert of the Week
The banner hung on the front of the church I passed on the way to work said - 'Join the Alpha Course - Discover the meaning of life'. Isn't that typical of
Have you seen that Tom Hanks movie about being marooned? Its a lonely vigil, here in my safe warm cave on Washout Island. Every day I do little else than send messages in bottles hoping an employer will come across it and send a boat to bring me back to civilisation. One bottle came back on the morning tide with a note inside saying - You haven't done the first bit. Oh? Whats that? Light signal fires? Jump up and down at passing aeroplanes yelling very loudly? Becoming intimately familiar with a
The warning had gone out last night that clear skies meant colder temperatures. No frost yet, but the drop was significant and it felt distinctly chilly as I strolled down the hill for my daily dose of thrills and spills at the library.
No, really, I had a ringside seat as the librarian ejected a bunch of youngsters from their chosen computers and told them to log on downstairs in the munchkin area. I tell you, it was a tense dramatic moment the likes of which we haven't seen since Maggie Th
In my foolish innocence I quaffed one of those high energy drinks last night. No sleep for me then. I did manage to get a couple of hours rest in a semi-comatosed state when the drinks effects began to wear off. There goes the alarm clock. I seriously, seriously did not want to get out of bed. It was only the start of Miserable Monday...
Getting To Work
For me the journey to work is a matter of several hundred yards, so no problem there. This morning though I was accosted by a confused old
This morning was wet. Not heavy rain, but that persistent drizzle that dampens everything. Quite a change from the cloudless sky I saw last night. Most of us star gaze once in a while, and that's exactly what I did from the back window of my home. Sadly, the atmospheric conditions and the glow of street lighting meant you could only see the brighter stars. The night sky is sometimes so much more vivid in the countryside. But there was the Big Dipper, probably the only constellation I recognise.
Today I thought I'd stop by the park and spend a few moments enjoying the quiet of a monday morning before having to get on with the real one. As mondays go, this does actually appear to be none too busy. The hill was devoid of cars completely, so either everyones on holiday this week, or the signs displaying the number of parking spaces are working.
As it happens, a flock of seabirds have dropped in to enjoy the lake as well. Now they ain't quiet. Frenetic activity everywhere, a constant ch
Time to take Ol' Reliable down from his perch on the kitchen surface. As microwaves go it was a simple beast. Put your food in, select a cooking time... Three minutes?... Yes, let's try three minutes. If I see steam building up I know it's time to cut the power early. How simple is that? No complicated programming or indeed any intrinsic knowledge of cooking required. Just hot food, on demand.
There can be no sentimentality in the cutthroat competition of consumer electronics. Ol' Reliable h
About six months ago my boss, AD, threw me over the side and sailed away into stormy waters. Well, he just rang me. Again. Apparently he's under the illusion that I work for one of the companies he deals with.
No, AD, I'm unemployed.
"Oh... Ah.... So.... How are you?"
Unemployed.
I think the old guy is slowly losing it. Apart from the fact he's still employed beyond retirement and driving around in expensive luxury saloons. It does make you wonder how the old ship is doing....
Its getting dangerous walking to and from work. That car salesman is watching me walk past like a predator on the african savanna under the shade of a tree. Quick Caldrail, avert your eyes, he'll think your wallet is open....
I've passed Santa on the street. looking very dapper, even effete without his usual white beard, and obviously on a diet. I think its like any celebrity, downdressing to avoid the publics attention.
Is it just me, or is this going to be the dullest christmas ever?
You know what? I'm getting a bit fed up with people asking me for money. It's happening more and more, usually from total strangers. It does annoy me somewhat. There's such a thing as being generous, but giving away cash to all and sundry does not strike me as a financially sound policy.
You might have guessed that this sort of thing has happened again. You're right, it did. In a sort of impatient and irritated mood already I was striding across the Granville Street car park. It's nothing s
I've been requested by J to make a full and complete report on the events of Mellow Monday. Okeedokee. Here goes...
First Things First
Woke up. Still dark. Dozed off again. Woken at the last minute by the noise of my neighbour slamming the door, proof that noisy neighbours can be useful. Got washed, dressed, fed (in no particular order) and stumbled down the stairs to start my short amble to work. Lovely morning, bright sunny sky, but heck it was cold.
Dramatic Developments In Stockroom
Here's to a chap in America, reunited with his stolen '67 Mustang after 38 years. I can only imagine how the guy felt. Something along the lines of another old gent invited to a reunion with his former 'office'. A genuine 1940 Battle of Britain Hawker Hurricane, found derelict in India and lovingly restored to flying condition last year. What a terrible shame he was unable to fly it again himself. There was a tv program not so long ago when another ex-RAF pilot of that era was given a chance to
I am by nature a creature that likes his food, and feeling a little peckish, I ventured into my diminutive pantry to determine what wonderful and exotic ingredients I had lurking in there. Ooh heck, this looks a bit sparse.... Uhhh... Any pot noodles left? Nope. Looks like another trip to the supermarket is in order.
The weather of course was damp and miserable. There was a time when we used to get scorching summers, but now the green brigade have banned noxious gases and nearly everything t
Over the years I've met people on internet forums. We all say that. The truth is we haven't met them at all. They're just little icons and text messages from people far far away. How well can you know someone on a website? That's difficult to say. If there's one thing the internet allows, and indeed one of it's greatest dangers, is the anonymity of it. You can invent a persona and people do exactly that.
Time and again I hear stories of 'women' being unmasked as male teenagers (Good grief,
It was a really nice day yesterday. The weather was warm, sunny, and although a band of stratus cloud marred the horizon, there was a clear blue sky. It's that time of year when the woods get colourful. The more extrovert trees have sprouted foliage, our more hesitant native oaks and ash trees still sensibly waiting for confirmation before growing leaves. In between, the grass has erupted in a bright green carpet. Yellow, blue, and white woodland flowers make a shortlived appearance before the n
Fifty is a strange age. Part of me knows full well I'm not young any more, that I ought to change my ways and act my age, while at the same time I simply cannot help being the veteran rebellious teenager I always was. Take yesterday for example. I approached the pedestrian crossing minding my own business and as if pheromones were setting off air raid sirens, I couldn't help noticing the twenty year old brunette across the road.
I've no idea what sort of person she was but physically she was
"It's Starwars Day" proclaimed one of my colleagues at work. Huh? What's that all about? Well, it turns out that "May The Fourth Be With You" has become an annual urban festival amongst those who cannot tell fantasy from real life. My boss noted my disapproving expression and chuckled.
So in order to restore the balance of the Universe and allow the Dark Side its right of public expression, I suggest "May the Sixth Be With You", which for those who have lived in backwoods cabin for the last
No sooner had I asked where the wet weather was than it turns up on my doorstep. It's a dreary dull morning here in the rainforests of Darkest Wiltshire, though I should say it's stopped raining just this last few minutes ago.
It seems I chose the right day for my hike. Yesterday I stopped for a breather in a small out-of-the-way field to enjoy the sunshine and the little enclave of rural bliss that is Horse Meadow. Four horses quietly grazed elsewhere. White, bay, black, and a curiously uns
Today it was back at the work experience program, my very own infant school for out of work adults. It's an interesting experience because with each week the boredom level is clevery designed to increase to mind numbing tedium, so that the workplace actually becomes interesting. We all sat around playing Scrabble. No, really, we did, until the well-meaning advisor brought along a dictionary and proclaimed half our words out of bounds. Young T immediately upset the game board to show her displeas
Must be a rainy day. The library is half empty. Oh well, at least the early morning rush for a computer isn't the usual death before dishonour charge up the stairs. I see a certain youngster has been released from prison (he was jailed for drug dealing) and even he isn't bounding up the stairs the way he normally would.
Actually most of the familiar characters are somewhere else. The guy who likes to threaten me every time a I say anything, the woman who thinks the library is her personal se
Weathermen do love it when things get interesting. Our current spell of fine weather is about to end, and as always, the man on tv grinned mightily as he warned of impending wind and rain. Okay, okay, I heard you the first time, change the cript, please...
Today is still sunny. A bit cooler though, and actually the breeze is quite chilly.
I was strolling along the local high street on my to the programme centre. A young woman in a red car swerved across in front me, mounting the pavemen
The doorbell rang last night. Wow, thats a forgotten pleasure. Most people announce their presence by shouting in the street. So I drop my dry sandwich and rush downstairs in a fit of uncool eagerness.
A hopeful adolescent stood in the hallway, looking a bit uncertain at my raffish squalor.
"Is that your Mazda out back?" He asked. Oh no... Don't tell me it's been vandalised again....
Yes it is, I responded.
"You thinking of selling it?" He enquired nervously. I stared for a sec
Nearly lunchtime and I nearly forgot I was supposed to be at the programme centre for a one to one session on how to apply for vacancies. You'd think that after three years of job searching I'd have learned some employment skills, but the government assume you're a dunce and teach you anyway.
Oh well, here goes. As it happens I now have a mentor. A bit like Yoda, but taller, female, and not quite as green. A 'Yodess' in other words. I like they way she stares silently in disapproval whenever
The black notice popped up on the screen again. I need to retune my television receiver. Oh all right then, if you insist. Luckily channel Three Oh Something Or Other had a guide running permanently on a loop (Wow, wot an interesting channel!) so I wasn't technically challenged. Who needs nine year old experts anyway?
Despite my extensive experience in consumer electronics, computer programming, musical equipment, and science fiction, I have to acknowledge that I am no longer nine years old
