What a gloriously sunny day! Now that I spend four days a week locked inside 'The Bin' as the shop staff call it, sunlight is a rare commodity for me. What do you do on sunny days? I've forgotten. Well let's find out...
Sunbathing
I must admit, stripping off in these temperatures isn't a comfortable prospect. Despite the warm sun it's absolutely freezing out there. I remember when I was 14 years old I went on a skiing trip with the school to Austria. On the day we turned up there were young
Funny things motorbikes. When you're young they seem so iconic. When you old they seem so symbolic. When they blast up the street they seem so noisy.
When I was very young I used to see Evel Knievel featured on the news, preparing once again to crash his bike spectacularly in front of thousands. He wasn't the first to do motorcycle stunts by any means, the 'Wall of Death' sometimes featured in circuses and so on, but Mr Knievel had a talent for publicity. It seems though he had little talent
During my high octane, non-stop, action packed lifestyle as an unemployed job seeker, I occaisionally get a few moments to myself in which to relax. Yesterday was one of those, so in an uncharacteristic bout of feet-up laziness, I sat back and switched on the television. Hey, they've added some channels sonce I last watched telly. So I discovered this music channel showing all the hits from the eighties. Wow. This is so nostalgic. Phil Collins still had hair. Adam Ant still had warpaint on his f
One of the advantages of digital broadcasts in the media is that you can watch television on your computer. I was doing that long before Windows 7 came out, so I'm afraid the young lady claiming on the advert that she thought of watching television on her PC and Windows 7 was her idea is talking out of her script.
As I'm sure you're aware, staring vacantly at the screen while you rapidly page through the available channels is typical human behaviour. In a state of mental numbness I strayed
The local paper said it all. In the arts pages our local music correspondent tells us that "There is no original music in Swindon for saturday night". So what's new?
Back in the days when I was working in local bands original music was as difficult to sell as today. In Swindon, it seemed as if no-one wanted to hear anything other than the same old chart hits they knew and loved. We had a cover-band called Locomotion (who are still going, I think) that cleaned up nicely from playing covers. T
Like many others with projects to get on with, I find myself in a struggle. On the one hand, the relative quiet of the early hours is conducive to productivity in the absence of distraction, yet on the other you're tired and want to go to sleep. Eventually I succumbed to the latter, and realising I was asleep at my computer, decided it was right and proper to abandon any more effort and seek the comfort of my bed. Tired.... Eyes closing.... zzzzzzzzzz
THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD
At last I can sit down and relax. This morning began as the day continued, fighting the good fight and righting wrongs, mostly those concerned with letters arriving a month or two late. Although I expected no end of hassle, for once the public were less bloody minded and some even smiled cheerily as they dealt with my catalogue of problems.
Maybe it's the warmth of the library, the top public floor with computers in every corner, but I'm feeling a little drowsy. As usually happens in the aft
Seven months after he vanished from his Gloucester home Murphy the Gnome was found alive and well on his owners doorstep, along with a photographic record of his travels around the world. This heart-warming tale just goes to show there's more to gnomes than meets the eye.
Usually these quiet citizens of our front gardens don't travel at all. They lead a static existence, holding fishing rods and sitting there even in the worst inclement weather. They're good neighbours. They never get angry
Just now I saw a headline that a drag queen has been sentenced for sending a hoax bomb threat to a warehouse I used to work at. Quite right, but it did amuse me. Some years back the warehouse manager, DG, left her briefcase in the foyer and as an unattended suspicious package, the premises were evacuated and the army bomb disposal called in.
Well, she eventually got the boot. She also presided over another large operation that went bust later. I knew I was right about her. Am I allowed to be
Today I decided to journey down to the local sports center. At last there's a break in the inclement weather so I thought I'd forgo my usual survival outfits and make the expedition in something resembling a reasonable appearance. Beige trousers no less. Now if thats not a challenging fashion statement, what is?
On my way down there I stepped on the wrong leaf. Its autumn of course and there's plenty of them littering the pavement. Worse still, it rained last night and with this yellow veget
With so much done yesterday I decided to relax my job seeking and take advantage of a break in the blustery winds and showers. It's been a while since I took a hike out into the country and believe me, I was stunned by how unfit I've become. By the time I'd trudged up the hill where I live I was sweating and breathing deeply. Not good. Not good at all.
As I crossed the polo ground, the grass wet with dew, I encounterd the morning dog walking shift. My suspicions about how long I'd been avoi
Yep, thats me. Mr Cranky Pants
My new neighbours keep locking the outside door and leave me struggling to get in and out of my own home. They keep starting to play loud music and I've got a sore foot banging on the floor. I keep applying for jobs but Swindon employers have recently had lobotomies so they can't understand their own recruitment procedures. The Saturday night Town Cryer Association is still in business and vocal in the early hours. My car is starting to look a little weather wo
Those sweaty summer nights are with us again. I blame America - we always get our weather secondhand from them. Hiowever I can't blame them for the behaviour of the locals. As soon as the warmth kicks in they start behaving like they're on a mediterranean holiday, shouting, throwing, or generally hitting each other. You might not be suprised to hear that happened last night. Again.
Clearly the way to improve social behaviour is not by fines or visits to a magistrates court, but banning summe
Following the passiing on of Charlton Heston, it turns out that the man himself visited grotty old Swindon in July 1968 because his families nanny, one Murial Loveridge, was a swindoner. He happened to be in britain at the time, appearing on stage in Bath, and popped across discreetly. Apparently he called in for lunch to the Riflemans Arms in town (now the Plum Tree - why do people have to keep changing pub names these days?) which caused a bit of a stir. I've fed and watered myself in that ver
"There's going to be a hundred thousand new jobs in London to assist the Olympics" Said Mr G, our ever helpful and jovial assistant at the job club. I had to laugh. Unemployment down in London? Can you imagine how difficult it's going to be to claim benefits there this summer? You won't stand a chance.
Mr G found that equally amusing. I imagine though that the prospect of less unemployment in the capital, even temporarily, might well be another bone of contention in the Houses of Parliament.
The last week has been a miserable procession of rainy days. Not those romantic downpours so beloved of Tina Turner, its those claggy dull grey squalls that we British like to call weather. But now I think about it, what happened to August? We hardly had any sunshine at all, and the indian summer we sometimes get in September looks like being a washout.
Its hardly Global Warming is it? But then it occurs to me that since we get most of our weather second-hand from America, and that they get
I used to see urban foxes from my back window on a regular basis. More often than that, I would hear their yelps and screeches in the dead of night. It's been a while since that noise has pierced the stillness of Old Town's quiet hour. Had pest controllers reduced their numbers? It seemed as if the only interruption to my slumber was going to be inept car thieves from now on.
Last night a vivid sunset appeared through my back window. I went off to get the camera, opened the window, and took
Monday morning... Usually the Monday Blues are associated with dragging yourself out of bed to go to work, but since I'm unemployed, you'd think that wouldn't apply to me. Oh but it does. For today is my Signing On Day, my fortnightly ritual aimed at convincing the authorities that I've something toward getting a job thus entitling me to receive my meagre handout from the government. Typically for a Monday the good weather has vanished with the weekend. It's damp and grey out there. What a miser
Only when you get up close to a Great Dane do you realise just how big those dogs are. There were two being coaxed along the alleyway across the yard last night. The pair of them just about filled the pathway. Nice horses, I quipped as I strolled past. At least these two dog owners won't get attacked by urban foxes.
The curious thing though is that the owners expected me to be scared stiff of them. Why? Both dogs were behaving themselves. After all, there was an occaision when I decided to p
Sunrise, sunset, Sunday, Monday.... Yes, Swindon has reverted to ordinary greyness. There's a sort of comfortable familiarity about layers of dismal cloud drifting across the town and never letting it be one thing or another.
It's been a suprisingly quiet start to the year. I only heard the first police siren wailing past my home on saturday night. Even Punch & Judy, fresh back from annoying someone else on their christmas holiday, have been quiet and mindful of the fact that thanks to t
Huh? What's going on? Why is the light through my curtains a light grey colour? Why is there a sound of someone struggling to drive a vehicle in the yard? Why did I just hear a metallic crunch as he failed utterly? Sorry, I just have to find out, so pull back the duvet (Aaargh! It's c-c-c-cold!) and look out the curtains to see....
No! It's not possible! Surely this cannot happen in Rainy Old Swindon! Yes, I'm afraid it has. We've had snow.
Blizzards On A Different Scale
Considering wha
I wonder what would happen if the worlds population was decimated by a sudden deadly plague? Its not a pleasant thought. Without the restrictions of an ordered society, opportunism and lawlessness would rapidly take hold. A guy I knew at work once told me that since he knew all about nature and the wilderness and stuff, come the revolution he would survive. You know what? I doubt it. He might have an advantage - assuming he really does know something, and assuming he's actually had some practice
The last twenty hours have been pretty much a treadmill of non-eventfull tedium. I hope you'll understand therefore if I delve into my stars for today in the hope that commercial journalism will reveal my future! If I have one, that is, I am unemployed in the midst of the worst recession since World War Two.
Unfortunately my daily horoscope merely tells me that my difficulties with technical details shouldn't stop me from pursuing my vision. That's an ethereal pep talk if ever I've heard one
I opened the curtains this morning to see a clear blue sky. That happens sometimes, and there's no reason to be concerned, because the sky usually clouds over within a couple of hours.
There's a very lazy mood in Swindon right now. The garage mechanics across the yard are more bothered about cups of tea than mechanical problems, but then they always were. The yard isn't full of cars either, but then, with all the rubbish being deposited in the alleyway that allows access, that's no wonder.
Work at the Old College site proceeds apace. I know this because firstly there's a huge jungle of steel girders blocking the view from my back window, and secondly, because they've starting demolition of the brickwork in one corner of the site in order to create the entrance to a new car park. Every time the digger brings down the bucket to smash the bricks the whole terrace of houses in which I live vibrates. Really, the house has been shaking intermittently for the last few days. I'm actually
