Ah yes... The scene in Douglas Adams Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy where Ford Prefect entices Arthur Dent away from saving his cottage from demolition and down to the local pub for an emergency last beverage before stowing away on a passing Vogon Destructor Fleet.
For those of you who haven't read my last entry (shame on you), May 21st is Vogon Demolition Day. That's today. yes, it's the end of the world. So I recommend everyone pops down the pub and thumbs for a lift from any UFO's in the
Entering the office of New Deal, the agency that handles the unemployed in Britain, I notice the young security guard at reception looking at me in that 'Don't I know you?' way.
"Have you claimed in the last three months Sir?"
I truthfully reply I that I hadn't. He looks me in the eye and clearly doesn't believe me. This does not bode well. What worries even more is that the familiar faces of the dole office aren't there... Uh-oh...
Fossil of the Week
Goes to a chap in america who
On my way to the library this afternoon I happened to pass along an old footpath in Okus. It dates from before the town of Swindon grew across this particular stretch of farmland in the 60's. In fact, I used to walk that way going to school. There was always that two tone blue sports car parked in someones drive that I used to fantasise over. Back then, I hadn't any idea what it was, but in the passing of years I've come to know it was a TVR Tasmin, and why it was always parked in the drive.
Sorry to disappoint you all, but there aren't any camels in my bed. Far from it, I'm warm, comfy, and indulging in a spot of Sunday laziness which I don't often fall prey to. Why waste a day? Sunday is no different.
However, the instinct to wake up and go about my daily business is quite strong. Russian scientists would point and tell me that's learned behaviour. They're almost certainly right. Look how dogs uncannily know what the time is despite being intectually incapable of using a clock
A little while ago you couldn't watch television without seeing an advert for Shiela's Wheels, a company offering cheap car insurance for women drivers. Three ladies sat on a pink cadillac having a sing-song. To be honest, it was hard to ignore the blonde in the middle. She genuinely had some screen presence and the eye naturally falls on her.
Now it seems the television campiagn is so successful that the European Court of Justice have ruled that women cannot have cheaper car insurance beca
Who amongst you had a dull monday? A fair few of you I'll bet, but I'm afraid my monday was probably duller than yours. It was one of those days when the whole town just seemed to say "I can't be bothered".
I did see an interesting bit of aerial combat between a crow and a gull at the park. The crow was faster and kept on catching up, but that agile gull certainly had the edge on manoeverability. Here we have a perfect opportunity to witness evolution as it happens. Only the fittest will su
In the beginning, God said "Let there be light". And he saw that it was good. So good in fact that we human beings have invented little contrivances to achieve the same result ever since. First we invented fire (and what fun we've had with that!), and finally in the 21st century we've reached the very pinnacle of light engineering, that silly little thing screwed into the ceiling of my bathroom. Unfortunately, and much to my chagrin, I'm not God, so now the blessed thing has stopped working.
With a train magazine in hand I sat in the waiting room at the local surgery. Sooner or later I was going to be called and rather ominously the editorial of this months issue was about dead trains, locomotives lying idle, rusting away. Great. I needed that.
Actually there a certain poignancy. As a child I used to wander along a disused railway, and in the wide open plain of ash beyond the iron railings, row upon row of obselete diesels waited for the cutting torch, reduced to shells or pitia
Where were you when Berlin Wall came down? Where you when Princess Di had a bit of an accident? Events like those can be so important sometimes, even when you least expect it. At least they are to some people. I honestly can't say those particular events ever stirred me to remember the day but I'm sure you can think of those that do it for you.
You might ask why I'm writing about them. Well it's because the news has broken that the CERN hadron collider at Geneva might have spotted the elusiv
There are those who say I don't write enough about sex. Certainly they want more gossip about my girlfriends, but unfortunately, since becoming long term unemployed I can no longer afford them, and in any case, women aren't usually turned on by flirtacious old fogies unless they also happen to be filfthy rich. Despite continued investigations by the Department of Work & Pensions, it appears I'm just another poverty stricken claimant.
However, I shall not be daunted. Here then is the scan
"Ahhh... Caldrail... We meet again." Miss R always smiles when it's time for me to be interviewed. There's always a plastic ruler on her desk. "We've got you a vacancy to apply for."
It's hard to be enthusiastic. Not because I have to find work, but because I've already found 25 suitable vacancies under my own steam since we last spoke. I have to smile and accept it though. Applying for this extra one is mandatory under the new rules. I read the information sheet and as it happens, the job
As you might have guessed, I spent last night watching Monty Python's third film, The Meaning Of Life, definitely the least funny of the three, and perhaps proof that Life isn't fun? Certainly the town I live in has tried to tell us its a great place to live ever since the railworks, our very own dark satanic mill, closed for business. Yet Swindon always seems so meaningless.
It does seem a little coincidental that I've chosen to discuss the Meaning of Life, especially since I seem to have s
Okay, time to complete my account of a great day. Let's see...
I got out of bed and went to the library. Nothing unusual there. Nothing unusual happening. This doesn't look good. A blog entry with nothing to complain, whinge, or poke fun at? Good grief, it's the end of civilisation as we know it!
The End Of Civilisation As We Know It
To confirm my misgivings I discover a news item that tells me chickens are capable of empathy. Researchers tell us they know when another chicken is feelin
If you ask around I don't doubt for a moment that you'll find those who think I'm wnot quite right. Partly that's down to my Londonian genes, which grate irritably on the Swindon herd. Partly it's down to my individualism, something else the Swindon herd doesn't comprehend easily. On the other hand, I have a strange exotic ailment normally only reserved for celebrities trying to get out of the jungle.
What is this strange ailment, you might ask? Some of you will be muttering various causes
Occaisionally during my action packed dole seeking lifestyle I catch a bit of television. Mostly because there's so little I want to watch that I normally do something else. I've probably mentioned before how strange it is that with more and more channels available, there's less and less you actually want to sit through. On the plus side, maybe that's a goood thing, because they say television is bad for you.
At the risk of becoming a wannabee journalist and reporting on people, I sat down
Some would describe me as a eurosceptic. They're quite wrong of course, I'm a eurocritic. The shameless ambiton and manipulaton of some politicians intending to create a new european empire have been all too obvious.
Paranoia? Conspiracy theory? It isn't just me who waggles a finger and warns about the actual intentions of the political initiatives to gain advantage from the current difficulties. Only yesterday I was watching a journalist voicing his opinion how France and Germany are tryin
Our local paper ran an interesting story yesterday. A Swindon company has been given the contract to supply China with translated bibles whilst the olympic games are being held there. As a succesful commercial bid its praiseworthy, but I'm astonished that China is permitting their import. China is after all a communist regime which inherently regards religion as a rival for peoples loyalty.
The olympics can be a thorny issue. The labour government went to some effort to get it held in London
Last night I strolled up the hill to get a bag of chips. Yes, it's true, I did. Sometimes my spirit of adventure gets the better of me. Anyhow, this was during the twilight. On the horizon, the last angry embers were fading out. The sky was that deep blue you get shortly before dark. As I looked up, dark grey clouds were wafting silently past. I've always thought how strange it is that clouds move at dusk without any wind.
Even stranger is that spell the moon casts on you. There it is, a pal
"Hello" Said the guy next to me as I waited for the library to open. Receiving a friendly greeting is an unusual experience for me and I sort of did a double take.
"You are.. Caldrail?" He enquired, looking a bit mystified as to why I was looking mystified. Erm... Yes. yes, that's me.
"Remember me?. College, OND days?"
Good grief. I remember him now! There was an Iranian chap who was part of our year back in 1982. The year before we'd worked together on an embarrasing project to buil
Last week at the programme centre a chap asked me to help him with his jobsearch. His concernwas that the job centre was getting a little impatient with him. My concern was that he was asking me to do his applications for him.
You see, I don't mind helping people. it's just that I prefer to help people who try to help themselves. If he'd actually shown any willingness to pull his weight, I would have backed him to the hilt. As it happens, he had no intention of doing anything at all. Noneth
There's no avoiding it. The interview was booked. On the one hand the company offices were only thirty minutes walk away. On the other, there was no footpath all the way there. Luckily the weather had brightened since the morning, when it threatened once or twice to rain, and I made my way in pleasant if blustery conditions along the towpaths and grass verges to the isolated business park.
Once in the area, it seemed as if the whole park was deserted. No-one else was around. Nothing stirre
The health service is determined to prove I'm not well. As part of their quest to put me under the micropscope I've been asked to attend some strange scanning session. Apparently it's another excuse for that young lady nurse to daub me in gel. I can't wait.
Thing is though I keep hearing complaints that the health service can't deliver this or deliver that. I must be honest, as someone who's never needed much in the way of treatment, I haven't noticed any problem at all. So what's the deal?
At last I can sit down and relax. This morning began as the day continued, fighting the good fight and righting wrongs, mostly those concerned with letters arriving a month or two late. Although I expected no end of hassle, for once the public were less bloody minded and some even smiled cheerily as they dealt with my catalogue of problems.
Maybe it's the warmth of the library, the top public floor with computers in every corner, but I'm feeling a little drowsy. As usually happens in the aft
What would you do with a lottery win? With several million pounds in your wallet? I've heard this question asked time and time again. Many people actually tell me they want to be generous and give everyone they like a huge wad of the winnings. Perhaps, but I'm a little too cynical to believe I'm that likeable.
Anyhow, Young L, the museums resident football player, was discussing that very question today with the backroom crew. His preferred course of action is to buy a Bowler Wildcat (for t
All this good weather has been very seductive. It might be something people in other places around the world take for granted, but we British do enjoy our sunny weather when we can get. This weekend the clouds rolled in and as disappointing as it was, we do need the rain. I stopped for a while looking out the back window. The rainfall came in surges, no more than a light drizle one moment, a torrential downpour the next, though I didn't hear any thunder from the storms the weather people told us
