"You're a crap guitarist!" Yelled the young lady next door through the wall. Yeah? Really? You mean I am a guitarist? At last! After countless years of practice, sore fingers, grinning salesmen and a rapidly emptying wallet, I have finally achieved the heady status of guitarist! Not bad for a drummer.
So am I shocked, dismayed, discouraged by her overt and unexpected critique of my guitar playing? What does she know? I mean, she's only a next door neighbour. It's not as if she's paying to he
It's misery month in Britain right now. never mind all tjhose predictions of economic woes and european isolation, it's raining. That might suprise a few people given that Britain has a repuation for damp weather, but you see, most of our dampness is down to showers which do have a habit of catching people out. Today however is wet. It will probably be wet all day. That means I probably will be too.
Yes, It's Happened Again
No I don't mean rain showers, but meteorite showers. The Gemenids a
There's a car advert thats been shown on tv for some time now and it still bugs me. A stylish young man in his dayglo green Mazda hatchback does handbrake turns around the studio with beautiful female dancers trying to stop him from drving away. It never did look right. Firstly, the hatchback is the same as the car his granny would drive. Without the body kit, spoilers, rubber-band tires, and a twelve pounder cannon sticking out under the back it just wasn't the sort of car he would be seen dead
I have seen the shape of things to come. At the Geneva Motor Show, the Royal College of Arts have unveiled ambulances that will be rushing to our aid in as little as four years from now - don't take that literally. Now get this. One of them has ejector seats to speed paramedics to your side. What happens if the patient is in a tunnel? Does the paramedic get issued with a helmet?
Another design has a fold out detachable medical center. Isn't that dead cool? Once the paramedics have landed an
My last day at the Work Experience Centre! Free! Free at last! Free to experience sunlight, fresh air, and sensible intelligent people! But until that actually happens, I have to sit through the usual lecture and group activity. A part of me hopes my wierd brother will be waiting outside with his second hand ex-police car in a cool black suit and shades, mostly because of the fun adventures I
The misery goes on. In very un-swindon-like style, the snow started again last night and as I glance out the window of the library, it's just begun cascading down in thick torrents. Our local council now has only two days of grit reserves left to clear our roads and keep Swindon moving.
I'm biting my nails.
Weather Update of the Week
Oh. Its just reverted to that thin sprinkle of fine drizzly snow. Panic over. Phew.
Bank Holiday Weekends are a British institution that foreigners might find hard to understand. The name is misleading. All it amounts to is an extra day off work. However, like some kind of mass-lunacy, there's two pyschopathic obsessions that afflict the British at these times.
The first is a strange urge that overcomes the weak-willed who gather their unsuspecting families and drive off to a holiday destination. Most don't get there. Braving the rain that inevitably pours cold water on the
Bureaucracy - don't you just love it?
The problem with being poor in Britain is that you have to prove it. Seriously, its no good turning up to a dole office unshaven, haggard, dressed in rags. You need documented proof that an agent of the government can photocopy and study in every detail. Even if you give them the proof, you can guarantee you'll be getting a letter four weeks later asking for the proof you submitted originally. Oh and it must have your name and address on it. My bank is f
The plumber was back early this morning. Apparently his previous repair hadn't solved the leaking water that my downstairs neighbour was so concerned about. He had every reason to be so, since it turns out the electrical wiring downstairs is uncomfortably close to the pipes. Anyway, the much harassed plumber rebuilt my bathroom in record time before I popped down to the library. Can't see any smoke coming from downstairs, so perhaps this time the problem is solved?
Playgrounds
The local pap
Even as late as last night the weather map on television was not encouraging. Great swathes of bright blue covered southern england and that means rain. Wet weather is a fact of life in Britain. British tradition is to start conversations with strangers about the weather. Our country is famous for getting wet. I'm not quite that famous, but I do get wet now and then myself.
The promised downpoor has already passed us by. It's still damp and grey out there, but most people are plodding around
Last year I attended a programme designed to teach jobseekers how to go about searching for a job. Yes, it really was that banal. The course was aimed at young people who had never worked before in their lives so for me, it was like being back at infants school.
One of the lads on the course at the same time was LB, whose penchant for stopping at Greggs (A high street bakery) o the way meant he never, and I mean never, arrived on time, though in fairness his light hearted attitude toward lif
Boy oh boy am I in a bitchin' mood. I guess you too sometimes feel that when the world reveals itself as being layered in pooh, which if you think about it, happens to be pretty much the case. But I'm not interested in your woes right now. This is my blog you know.
Among the many comments and appraaisals I've received of late is the opinion that I'm not funny. Oh. Sorry about that. It depends on your sense of humour of course, but it hasn't escaped my notice that the very same people who acc
For the first time this year the museum left the front door open. That proves how nice the weather is getting. In fact, the museum likes to keep the door open because it persuades people to wander in. A closed door is very intimidating for the average member of the public.
And they poured in. Four visitors this morning. Rushed off my feet I was. Taking money at the till, providing assitance to vistiors, answering enquiries from the public at the reception desk, preventing displays being nick
Last night the tv news news waited to show Barack Obama live as he gave a speech about his stimulus package to revive the flagging economy. The audience, which seemed to composed mostly of photographers whose trigger fingers couldn't resist taking photo's of the empty podium, needed to be entertained whilst they waited for the presidents appearance. So a recording of a brass band played over the speakers. It happened to be the theme tune to Monty Python. I had this image of the US Department of
This morning's local paper starts with the headline about our dearly beloved ruin, the Old College site. Yes, it's still there. The issue is apparently no longer the number of rare and protected species of roosting bats, but whether the developer can be bothered to actually do anything. I mean, despite all the presentations anf fine words, there seems to be a distinct lack of progress in getting anyone to sign up to fill the new shopping mall to be built in its place.
Now they're saying it w
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!
It's 2012, people!
Yeah....
2012....
Come to think of it, it doesn't feel like a very special year yet. The rain is falling, the wind is howling, and I've been sticking draught excluders in every crevice of the house. I suspect most people are starting to realise that 2012 might be as dull and boring as 2011. Now that they've acquired the obligatory hangover and a few traffic cones to decorate the home with, it's Back To Work Day.
Bet you're feeling bett
Most of cooking is very quicky and easy. Fifteen minutes and I'm done. Sometimes though when I've got a spare bit of cash I like to prove Jamie Oliver knows absolutely nothing about cooking by reinventing the entire genre in the prvacy of my own home. So it was yesterday, when I happened upon some quality products at tjhe supermarket on sale at bargain prices.
I once remember reading a bit of wisdom that said "Love and cooking such be approached with complete abandon". I've always though spo
With so much done yesterday I decided to relax my job seeking and take advantage of a break in the blustery winds and showers. It's been a while since I took a hike out into the country and believe me, I was stunned by how unfit I've become. By the time I'd trudged up the hill where I live I was sweating and breathing deeply. Not good. Not good at all.
As I crossed the polo ground, the grass wet with dew, I encounterd the morning dog walking shift. My suspicions about how long I'd been avoi
I see from the news that there's plans to create a new bank holiday. Another one? hey I don't mind at all, it's another day of work... Or it would be if I had a job. It does seem a bit strange though. For a government trying so hard to oil the wheels of transport policy, why do they want to clog up the motorways with parked cars again?
Is it merely another example of the Labour Party attempting to buy favour with a disillusioned public? Vote for us and have new holidays? Given that this gove
The sun was getting quite warm as I walked home yesterday afternoon. I wasn't in any particular hurry and made my way through Old Town. Yellow paintwork caught my attention. As an automatic reaction I glanced up like anyone else, and since bright paintwork is a rarity in the sombre decade we live in, it might not suprise you to learn the car was a Lamborghini Gallardo with its roof down.
The driver was looking straight at me behind his shades. Don't know why, he just was. Then of course he n
It's snowing!
Lots of snowing!
It's been snowing since midnight last night. This can't be happening, it isn't possible, Swindon doesn't get snow. Hang on a moment, I'll look out the window, just to make sure I'm not imagining it...
It's snowing! Everything is white. It's a complete snow fest in Swindon...
Somebody stop the snow!
Meanwhile, back at the world
Oh, lot's of things going on. Gordon Brown is facing a possible coup from his MP's, a flashy powerboat used by demonstr
Another day, another visit to the doctor. It was an early start on a damp and dismal day in rainy old Swindon, the traffic thrashing around in a sort of 'late for work' way. When the doctor called for me he asked "What can I do for you today?"
It was tempting to reply that I didn't know. Hey, I was asked to book this appointment. Come on Doctor, get your act together. Not that it would have made any difference. Apparently I'm going to be turned into a cyborg for 24 hours shortly. No, really
Back in 1908, Swindon was inundated with 15 inches of snow. Thats more then we got yesterday. The result of all those warnings of blizzards and sub-zero temperatures resulted in this picturesque scattering of snowflakes.
This does in happen Swindon - a couple of decades ago there was a country wide snowfall over Britain. Drifts six feet deep cut off entire communities and made travel all but impossible. In Swindon, not a single snowflake. I would love to know why Swindon so rarely gets
Today is a different sort of day. Gone is the hazy sunshine, replaced by the all-enveloping grey clag of a typical Swindon day. Sounds like a lot of activity outside. I know they're ripping up the bit of the road they ripped up last year, but something sounded different somehow. With some curiosity then I glanced out from the curtains and... Huh?
Almost the length of of the bottom half of the hill is lined with plastic barricades. Contractors lorries are parked all along the area set aside f
Something strange is afoot in the Independent Peanut Republic of Rushey Platt. Up until now I've only been dimly aware of it, but yesterday something clicked into place.
Somebody wants me to conform. To be the same as everyone else. To be ordinary. To relinquish my individualism. To accept mundanehood. Most people do. They choose a stereotype in order to fit in and avoid attention. They adopt the uniform, the manner, and the language of their chosen tribe. Thats ordinary social behaviour for
