Let's see... According to this instruction manual, this lead plugs into that socxket there... And this other one goes there... and that bit of plastic needs to removed.... Now I just need to switch on and... phuttt!. Huh?
Early yesterday evening I switched the device on and the power went off. Oh great. I checked the lights and none of those worked. I fumbled for a torch and found the batteries had long since gone flat. Nothing electrical in the house worked. Did I do that?
Despite my fe
The noise level has gone up considerably. Roadworks have started at the bottom of the hill and crossing the road is now something like traversing No Mans Land in 1917.
Libraries are supposed to be quiet aren't they? Not Swindon. Our library is buzzing with lively action. At first, the library was silent as you'd expect, then a conversation broke out behind me. One of those "Allo mate, where ya been? Seen the footie? Hows the missus?" type of exchanges at the top of their voices. So loud in f
I passed a small advertisment the other. "Life After Death". Apparently if I pop down and attend the lecture I can learn all about what happens when biology stops working. They also claim I can discover the Meaning of Life. I doubt they have a gargantuan supercomputer that's been calculating the answer to life, universe, and everything for the last seven million years, so I kind of wonder where they get all this information from, but hey, who knows? Perhaps I was Julius Caesar after all.
At
That about wraps it up for the warmest October on record. Still humid, still sweaty, and a damp drizzly day. "That's a right ol' rain that is." Commented some old guy as I left the library this morning. He was right. It was like being sprayed by a fine hose. Clearly a gentleman with much experience in the ways of Wiltshire weather.
Yesterday was of course a good deal sunnier and I wandered around Croft Wood, taking in the solitude between dog walking shifts. It's never going to be as quiet a
We were gathered there together to hear the words of Young L, our local high priest of the Top Gear temple, whether we liked it or not. The lesson for the day was the wayward handling of the new Ferrari FF when in high gear. Having watched the Stig fail to negotiate a frozen lake surface for that reason, Young L gamely attempted to convert the faithful to his way of thinking, or rather to sound clever by repeating what he'd seen on television.
L - Just stop talking for a moment. If you drive
Today I'm setting aside my usual commentary on the World and its problems, and shall therefore describe events in a normal Caldrail Day. You know the sort of thing, that blues song..
7:00am - Wake up.
7:01am - Roll over and go back to sleep.
8:30am - Neighbours go to work.. wardrobe doors banging.... giggling and shouting..... Car starting up and driving off....
8:35am - Garage across the yard opens for business and the yard fills up with customers cars. Engines making all sorts
The Toyota Prius.
Heard of it?
Its that fashionable eco-car that celebrities buy to look like they actually care about the enviroment. Its the car that Top Gear entered in its Comedy Handling Competition. That Jeremy Clarkson gave to a cowboy to shoot with a .50cal heavy machine gun. Its slow, ugly, the seats are uncomfortable, and never does achieve the fuel economy that Toyota claim. Its also the car my father bought.
My father wants me to buy his Prius. A couple of years ago I thr
I woke this morning earlier than I wanted - another job interview today. As usual, the bedroom is mildly cold but probably warmer than the front room! Anyhow, I threw back the duvet, shudderred in the loss of warm air, and tip toed to the curtains for a look outside. Snow!
It snowed last night. Not a huge blizzard by any means, more of a thin coat of that fine wet snow that quickly clogs and becomes frighteningly icy. We don't usually get any snow in January. These days, we tend to get a lig
The french are upset. Their entry for this years Eurovision Song Contest is to be sung in... wait for it... English! No, surely not.... The French are proud of their language, once the language of diplomacy. It seems that a nation whose quest to eradicate english words in their conversational language has now reached the ultimate irony. French politicians are dismayed - but good grief people, are you really taking the Eurovision Song Contest seriously?
Worsening Situation of the Week
This
Festive season or not, I am still unemployed, and therefore my jobsearch continues. It's continued for so long now that it seems almost like a job in itself. As long as I achieve my targets and objectives on a regular basis I get regular pay. In fact, the only real difference is that instead of one all important boss, I attend an office full of them. Or at least it would be if I could get through the door.
The programme centre has a push-button intercom through which you must attract someone
Walking along an old railway cutting near where I live, I noticed the rocks had fallen away. Now I know the rocks of that particular place were once the sandy floor of a shallow sub-tropical sea during the Jurassic Age, so out of curiosity I clambered up to where the rock face has come away and examined those rocks for any sign of fossils. As much as I'd like to find something special, it wasn't likely. This area was an archipelago back then, a coral reef to the northwest, and right here a seasi
Tis the season for tree surgeons. The groundsmen at the park around the corner from where I live are still burning foliage. It's a wonder there's any left. That far side of the lake might be tidier but come summer it will look bare and artificial if they manage to keep the nettles and thorns back.
Last night I took a look out the back of the home and saw that old elm tree at the other end of the alleyway was missing some foliage too. The entire left side of the tree was denuded of branches.
Over the weekend we had that inevitable media circus that is Valentines Day. I have to be honest, the search for lurve was quiet this year, and as far as I'm aware there wasn't much on tv apart from the usual late-night adverts for mobile phone fantasies. Yes, there were some groups of drunken girls squealing at every suprise as they do. A group of adolescents chanting and beating their chests in a display intended to impress us with their manliness. Heard it all before lads. Sorry.
For some
I've decided cars are female. They just are. most are frumps unfortunately. Some are reliable, others not. Some have interesting personalities, many simply don't talk to you or keep on nagging because you left the bootlid up.
Then there's cars like Ferrari. Curvaceous redheads with tight leather, vivacious, demanding. You just know she's going to be trouble but you can't help yourself.
I say this because going through some old papers I discovered my report from a racing school where I dr
Back to school again. Every week I have to attend a session at the programme centre and sit through the lessons intended for people who don't have any education whatsoever.
Our groups subject was Child Adoptions By Same Sex Couples. The discussion of course immediately turned to football with me sat in the middle of opinions and observations about a game for which I have nothing but disinterest in with every fibre of my being.
Each group had to nominate someone to stand up and deli
Why are Tuesdays so dull? Years ago I started a Tuesday Survey, the Worlds First Ever, though as it transpired some other ruffian nicked the idea and even got interviewed on television. Life is so unfair. But as it happens his tuesday survey has been forgotten and in any case never answered the question on the lips of the nation - How can tuesdays be made more interesting?
Now I happen to be at a disadvantage. Swindon simply isn't an interesting place. I know the local council and media guru
A newsletter pushed through my letterbox? That wouldn't be unusual given how keen some local politicians are in making themselves sound useful to the community, but no, this has nothing to do with community politics. The neighbourhood has decided to conduct an archaeological dig behind a nearby street, hoping to find evidence of a long lost alleyway believed to lie beneath weeds, trees, and an extraordinary collection of household waste.
It is fascinating how that alleyway has changed. Back
I apologise. I have just seen an artists impression of the new Swindon Library on the wall as I popped down to log on this morning, and the carbuncles are indeed shown. The colours used by the artist played down the visual effect and therefore I hadn't noticed them.
Plane Crash In Kent
A tragic accident in Farnborough, Kent, where a Cessna Citation business jet ran into engine trouble after take off and attempted to return to Biggin Hill, only to lose control and crash into a housing estat
Okay let's see, what can I write for the blog this friday? I've done hikes, injuries, insults, urban foxes, job searching, and finally resorted to lame gags about badger culling. Luckily for me, I didn't have to think too hard about anything else because the museums resident journalist, DW, made his appearance.
I first met DW when he was running a modelling agency which he assures us with a big grin was earning him truck loads of cash. After organising one event at a local night club with a
There's always been a certain amount of sexual cross-over in human societies. Most cultures have stories of woman who take on mens roles. We read of a female samurai, capable and deadly. We read of women hiding amongst the ranks of redcoats pretending to be boys. The native americans, of the plains tribes at least, tended to accept that not all men wanted to be warriors, and if a man wanted to stay in the camp and do womens work that was his choice. And so on.
Today we see all sorts of mani
As I write this I'm listening to the guy sat in the next cubicle as he tries manfully to arouse interest in a young woman of his acquaintance. He keeps insisting he needs to buy a hammer in order to bang some curtains in. Whatever that means. He insists that intelligent people should use double beds to sleep in. By now you're probably getting the idea of what he wants.
His girlfriend asks why he needs a hammer anyway, because he can't afford one. Apparently he can, the 99p shop does them. No
Much of the news is about Wikileaks at the moment. Quite why this site is viewed with such regard is beyond me. Anyone else who goes around telling everyone everybodies elses secrets usually gets cold shouldered. No, that's not right, I do know why. It's because their readership are anonymous idiots who take great delight in finding out stuff they shouldn't know.
As to whether any of these former secrets are actually true I can't say. Chances are a great deal of it is fiction to begin with,
Friday morning and a chance to nip down to the local library and do my internetting for a couple of hours. The onlydrawback to friday morning is that the Lady Who Objects To My Internet Use is often on duty then.
Deliberately I stroll in after the doors are open to avoid attention. Up the stairs... Oh no. She's there, at the helpdesk. For some reason she thinks I'm up to no good. No idea why, but as you can imagine, having her stare at me all the time and glance over my shoulder on the off
Somewhere, out there, in the wilderness of the Swindon job market, is an El Dorado of a career just waiting for me. The Lost Warehouse. I'm still searching the rainforests of Darkest Wiltshire for it, machete in hand, coiled whip hanging from my belt. Occaisionally though I come across strange tribes and alien cultures in this urban jungle, and the following job description has come to me attention...
Large Utility Company looking for a Technical Architect with a strong background in Data Wa
Oh hang a minute, my mobile phone is ringing. That doesn't happen very often these days. Hopefully it'll be an employer begging me to save their company from bankruptcy.... Nope... It's my aunt. You've never met her have you? No, I thought not. You'd know if you had because bless her cotton socks, she cannot stop talking.
"I've not used my mobile very often" She explained, "And I found your phone number on it. So I thought I'd give you a ring."
You see, this is how my family is. Anyway,
