It's a very special day today. have you forgotten? You have? Okay, I'll remind you. This tuesday is World Pirate At Work Day. Now much of the eastern world is already back at home having missed this wonderful opportunity for japes, drinking songs, Johnny Depp impressions, Errol Flynn heroism, and old sea dog stories. Incidentially, most of America still has time to get involved, so come on America! Join us down the tavern for tankards of rum and a right 'ole sing-song. Here goes...
This way,
A little while ago you couldn't watch television without seeing an advert for Shiela's Wheels, a company offering cheap car insurance for women drivers. Three ladies sat on a pink cadillac having a sing-song. To be honest, it was hard to ignore the blonde in the middle. She genuinely had some screen presence and the eye naturally falls on her.
Now it seems the television campiagn is so successful that the European Court of Justice have ruled that women cannot have cheaper car insurance beca
That's it. Summer is over. Our three days of glorious sunshine has been brushed aside by grey cloud and chilly wind. Weather forecasters say it will improve this afternoon, which pleases me no end. Very soon we'll be in that dangerous Autumn season when car drivers forget that mist, fog, and frosty roads aren't as safe as the as they were in the last few months.
Going back a few years, back in the days when I drove my trusty Toyota MR2, I was on my way to work early in the morning. It was st
Earlier this morning I opened my emails. As usual there was the usual collection of unsolicited and unwanted stuff from people I've never heard of and probably don't exist.
Salvador Hale - Male Enhancement
Hampus Showers - Arissa says I feel tight in her now
Shan Spivey - Enter her with your throbbing manhood
Grant Saunders - She loved my large manhood
Abhijit Lukic - Non stop bedroom action
And so on. Those were the polite titles too. Who sends all this rubbish? Does anyone seriousl
My computer is not well. He's in a coma. No matter what I do, he refuses to boot up. So today I could no more than take him to hospital. There, the repair technicians are drinking endless cups of coffee trying to figure out what is wrong.
A quick visit to the hospital before it closed for business today wasn't encouraging. They wouldn't let me see him, and the receptionist told me that the computer has not yet regained conciousness. He's getting a bit old now I suppose, and deep down you kn
You have to wonder at the motives of North Korea. They push their atomic program in directions that raise suspicions of the outside world, fire missiles into the pacific and call it a satellite launch, and now throw away the truce agreed with South Korea after their own cold war that lasted since the 50's.
How do you deal with a country that has this mindset? They seem so wrapped up in their own propaganda. Then again, I think the North Korean leadership found out that staying in power durin
What a day! Glorious blue skies and sunshine. I'm in a good mood, the young lady leaning out of her upstairs window smoking wasn't in the mood to criticise me when I walkd past, the ginger cat rubbing against the brick wall didn't run away, and this has to have been the quietest saturday night for a long time.
Apart from the usual renditions of the 'F' word up until three o'clock, but hey, kids like to play don't they? All those tiny little dramas were played out on the street again last nig
I woke this morning to that dull white glow through the curtains. I knew that meant snow. Well it was no suprise - the warnings had been made regularly on tv for the last couple of days. What felt strange though was the curious lack of rumble. There was no background noise of passing cars, nor was the house shaking as lorries rumbled past.
Walking down to the library, Swindon is deathly quiet. There's hardly any tire tracks in the snow, which is merely a surface covering, albeit a very slipp
How much do you take for granted? It's an interesting question. We all bcome comfortable with our daily routines certainly, but the extent to which we assume we understand our world is astonishing. Let me explain.
Fifty years ago a British astronomer said that spaceflight was impossible. A hundred years before that, powered flight was impossible, or that travelling more than thirty miles an hour would kill you. A few centuries earlier, we all knew the Earth was the centre of the universe and
Swindon as a town always had ambition. Once the railworks closed in the eighties, the town brought in investment and new business and was always pushing to be raised to 'city' status. Back in 1994, I flew over Swindon in a Cessna and was stunned at how much dereliction the town still had, much of it ex-railway land. Since then these brownfield sites have been developed.
More developments had been planned. Artists impressions of Swindons Brave New World have been published locally and present
The plot was always very simple. Something arrives on planet Earth, discovered in a remote spot, and once recovered from the shock of such a crash landing the alien presence begins to take over the world, slowly at first, then in a tumultuous wave of conquest once they realise how puny earthlings are. Mankind tries everything and resorts to atomic bombs, but to no avail, and the remorseless aliens keep marching onward. That is, until some simple thing defeats them in the last five minutes of the
A somewhat battered and bruised Robinson Caldrail crawls slowly up the beach of Washout Island, surrounded by the detritus that shipwrecks usually leave riding the surf. Alone and castaway, this is not the first time I've been marooned on this particular island. Right now I'm too devastated by what happened at the height of the storm. Captain AD, determined to brave the foul weather aboard his unseaworthy vessel, ordered me thrown over the side to stay afloat. I wasn't suprised. I'd considered a
Another quiet day at the library. It might seem a bit strange that I've opted for a tranquil afternoon, especially since I had a clear business diary, and that my television service has been magically restored. Thing is though I made the mistake of not listening to ta weather report too carefully. So I expected strong winds and heavy rain which of course never turned up. And as for the Box, daytime television is designed to reduce viewers to a mindless stupor. Preparation for Christian Slater's
The British weather is an endless source of comment. When you want to start a conversation in Britain, you always begin by asking how good or bad the weather has been of late. Yes, it's been pretty good these last couple of days. Hot sun, light winds, but yesterday afternoon?
It poured with rain. Those unlucky enough to still be out and about trudged past my home in a state of abject misery, their clothes two shades darker and dripping wet. I do have sympathy of course. I've been caught out
In some ways, my computers health crisis has proven to be something of a break from my usual routine. Its been a while since I last did any serious work with music but already the temptation is growing. Unfortunately it has been a while since I last practised, and to my chagrin I've realised how lame a player I've become. No matter. The guitar, bass, and keyboard have colonised my front room and my fingers are very, very sore!
You know what? I think its time I explored some of the musical fo
People just can't resist it can they? A white van covered in dust is an invitation to add your favourite gag. usually its Clean Me which is probably a little obvious.This morning I passed I wish my girlfriend was this dirty. Oh wow, that was original, number two on the best selling dust graffiti list. Number three is of course your favourite football team, number four a crude reference to sexual activity, number five a statement of undying love in a heart shape.
Swindon does not score points
I've developed a passion for hot cheese sandwiches. Nothing fancy, just two slices of bread with a slice of cheese in-between, heated in a microwave until the smell becomes too fantastic to ignore. For those who want to try this at home, please ask a grown up. I got away with it but it could have have all ended in irradiated tears.
I know it's safe to eat because there's no burger in it. How could anyone get fat on cheese? There are people who might insist that a true gourmet would add an ex
Occaisionally during my action packed dole seeking lifestyle I catch a bit of television. Mostly because there's so little I want to watch that I normally do something else. I've probably mentioned before how strange it is that with more and more channels available, there's less and less you actually want to sit through. On the plus side, maybe that's a goood thing, because they say television is bad for you.
At the risk of becoming a wannabee journalist and reporting on people, I sat down
What a lovely spring day. It really was. Cold or not, the sunshine gave it that sort of comfortable feel. There's a peculiar smell on days like this. I'm sure it's not my socks or the lack of hot baths until my boiler gets fixed. No, instead I mean that spring freshness.
Oh no. I sound like an aerosol commercial. Can't help it. The back window was open, the sky was blue, the birds were singing, and it just felt good to be alive. When the boilerman turns up it might feel better still.
Cha
During an interview in 1966, John Lennon expressed his opinion that Christianity was dying and that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Not in South America it seems because they banned airplay of their albums until 1971. Nor was the American 'Bible Belt' particularly impressed. Their records still sell even today and whilst their popularity as a band may have faded compared to that of Jesus, we still have a legacy of music to enjoy.
It's interesting to study the way their image was pr
The budget should be balanced, the treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People should learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.
Cicero (55BC)
(Courtesy of Councillor David Glaholm)
Councillor Glaholm makes the point in the Swindon Advertiser that nothing changes. He's right of course, but then why would he not
As a jobseeker the vast majority of vacancies I find are pretty mundane. So dull and boring, I suspect, that these companies need to advertise for desperate jobseekers to fill the role. For a country with a National Minimum Wage, it comes as a suprise to see so many advertised for
Bureaucracy - don't you just love it?
The problem with being poor in Britain is that you have to prove it. Seriously, its no good turning up to a dole office unshaven, haggard, dressed in rags. You need documented proof that an agent of the government can photocopy and study in every detail. Even if you give them the proof, you can guarantee you'll be getting a letter four weeks later asking for the proof you submitted originally. Oh and it must have your name and address on it. My bank is f
Another day, another dollar, and in order to earn my pittance, another early morning. It was dark outside when I strolled down the hil. On my left was the Old College site, looking a little forlorn behind its white painted plywood fence behind the impromptu hedge of brambles and discarded rubbish.
I always remain astounded by how quickly trees emerge from the seed. There's a small one that's growing just the other side of that white fence, only a year or two old. Birds have nested in it and
No-one could accuse me of not being prepared. With the risk of heavy showers predicted by our faithful prophets of the television weather report, I was not taking chances. Okay, I wasn't in hiking mode, dressed in outdoors survival gear, but in clothing I know from experience is able to cope quite well with the minor downpour or two. So military surplus it is then.
All day long I was going here and there, seeing to my daily business, and to my utter disgust the dark clouds came and went with
